Santa is Coming to Town!

Kind of hard to believe it now but 28 years ago, more or less on this day, I dressed up as Santa Claus for a room full of 3-5 year old Taiwanese children in Tainan, Taiwan. 
It was Christmas eve and I, as the "English teacher" was there to show the kids how Santa looks in Western countries. 
Pretty funny since I never got anywhere near Santa Claus in my New York-Israel Jewish upbringing, but who's counting anyway...in fact, Santa Claus is a pretty cool concept wherever you go, since we are all human beings who were once children and who does not love a "good-doing Grandpa" who is there to make us smile, give us gifts and excitement.

So Happy Santa and Merry Christmas to all of you good people out there wherever you are! Let's remember that if we did not have Santa we would have to invent him...kindness is not a parochial, narrow and sectarian thing but a common human theme so essential to our lives. As the Dalai Lama once said: "Kindness is my religion."

You Have a Choice

Pema Chodron, a great teacher and superb writer for Western audiences:

”YOU HAVE A CHOICE

If you have embarked on this journey of self-reflection, you may be at a place that everyone, sooner or later, experiences on the spiritual path. After a while it seems like almost every moment of your life you’re there, where you realize you have a choice. You have a choice whether to open or close, whether to hold on or let go, whether to harden or soften, whether to hold your seat or strike out. That choice is presented to you again and again and again."

I think one of the biggest blocks people have is that they often forget that THEY HAVE A CHOICE! It may be hard to see, difficult to extricate ourselves from fear, sadness or even tragedy, but the bottom is, and will always be, that WE HAVE A CHOICE!

Are we going to make that choice?

Making more by Doing Less

One of the things I find more and more of is that people are having a hard time figuring out what it is that they really need to do and what can be left aside. In other words, how to figure out what is effectiveness, what is efficiency, but it is really mostly about finding out what is ESSENTIAL- is it not?

I loved the title of this book "Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less",Greg Mckeown,Crown Business/Imprint of Crown Publishing Group. In our age of too much information, too much to do and too little time to do it in, there is this message which says, "make more by doing less", give yourself a life instead of being just a "do-er". People who are feeling stretched too thin, finding themselves saying "yes" where they really should be saying "no", seeing that their "To- Do Lists" keep moving from one day to the next…it is these people (and are we not all of us at least a little bit like this?) that need this message urgently!

However, I don't think it just goes like that, you read a book, get this cool buzzword, "less is more" and then life gets back in stride, no, I don't think it goes that way, unfortunately. The "essentialist process" is one of constant focusing, asking what is really important, remembering to honor the essential balance of life even when others want your time and energy. It starts with a commitment to oneself that life is going to be managed according to principles and priorities, without become robotic and feeling-less- that is what I find in this word "essentialist"… I like it!

Coaching's Differentiating Factor: Action!

Coaching shares many qualities with other modalities of therapy, assistance and consulting, mostly in developing new ways of seeing things, understanding things and providing a secure way to communicate with the outside party. 
However, if there is one clear differentiating factor that is what I admire most about coaching it is that of "action". 
No matter what you are talking about and aiming for, a good coach will not only settle for being "someone to talk to" but he will be wary of the client leaving the session without action items to DO. 
It is mind and body, body and action, goals that help focus the mind and the action. 
It is one main differentiating and....the reason that is works so well and is so popular.

"Words may show a man's wit, but actions his meaning."  
Benjamin Franklin

Are you using your imagination enough?

Your imagination is your preview of life's coming attractions. 
~ Albert Einstein

How often to we allow our imagination to lead us? Not very often, I would submit, we usually have one reason or another not to do something.  A shame...imagination can open up doors for us like none other. Perhaps we can give ourselves a chance and let imagination "talk to us" a bit more? How far out of the box will that take us?

The Paradox of Wealth

"We may have money but little time. We may have time but no money. We may have love but neither time nor money. Coming to a point of balance between these factors is mastery of the art of living which is true wealth.
from: Americ Azevedo at the University of California, Berkeley

I think that one of the biggest mistakes a person can make in life is mistaking wealth for money. Money helps, money is necessary in our society, money can save a life and can make a dream. Money can also drive you insane with greed, depression and addiction.

The art of living is not the art of money. The art of living is to know and live by your values and allow for money to help you along the way.

Now about those plans…

Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.

~ Mike Tyson

You or may not remember Mike Tyson, one of the greatest boxers in modern times, and also convicted rapist, an overwhelming figure who could knock anybody out including himself- biting the ear of the person he was boxing, nearly dying from alcoholism, violence and who knows what else.

Tyson is not your typical guru, professor, new age author, nothing of the sort, but a man who has battled his entire life with everything around him, most notably himself.

Sometimes I like listening to people like this. There are few filters with them, little sophistication, simple words talking about simple things. Simple things which are also very difficult.

We all have plans and we all need them. We all have words and we all need them. But when the plans don't work and the words can't be found- what happens to you then? Where to you go from there? Where do we look from there?

Can one help a person who doesn't want to be helped?

A recent mastermind meeting found us discussing a more personal matter that also connected up with the business world. 
A mastermind member shared his difficulty in seeing a childhood friend slowly deteriorate into depression, lack of initiative and even an expressed lack of will to live. 
This person had gone through his fair share of family deaths, loss of job, faltering business and what not…. our mastermind member has taken this hard. 
He has tried to rekindle a spark of life and initiative in his old friend and has even offered to provide capital and opportunity for his friend. However, till now to no avail.

Can one really help another if that individual, despite being in real need and distress, is simply not willing to pick up the ball and run with it? 
It is a difficult thing for us to accept but this type of thing is an uphill battle. We can have a ton of good ideas, techniques, contacts and good will but… this "horse" will only drink the water if he has decided to do so. 
I am afraid that in the end we really have little influence here. 
That doesn’t mean we should stop trying. 
After all humans do change and one never knows the value of one good meeting…!

How To Bounce Back From Failure

This lovely article in the Huffington Post  shines a light on a very important life skill: how to be resilient, how to get back on the playing field when you have been hit hard. More specifically it talks about the qualities that are to be found in resilient people.

In the spirit of the words of Winston Churchill, "It is the courage to continue that counts", what really helps "happy people" be happy and not depressed, according to the research findings, is more often than not how they are able to bounce back to positivity despite the bumps, falls and failures they have encountered. Their qualities?

1.    They stay with positive AND negative emotions

We all know how that when we are down everything looks just terrible…resiliency means being able to be down AND also being able to stay grateful- not easy, ay?

2.    They are realistically optimistic

As noted in a recent Taiwan National University study  resilient people take on an attitude of "realistic optimism," which combines the positive outlook of optimists with the critical thinking of pessimists,  something that can boost both happiness and resilience. It is not just about "yes or no" but about "what else?", the ability to create alternative ways to proceed, they don't sink but keep swimming , they have their box and are constantly looking outside it.

3.    They reject rejection!

They know that when someone rejects what they say, write or do it is not THEM that is being rejected but the thing or experience itself. They know very well that "rejection" is the course of life and it is not Rejection at all but just "course correction on your journey".

4.    They build strong support systems

How funny…did we ever use the word "mastermind" here? Networking, supporting, exchanging----all part of the same game.

5.    They notice (and appreciate) the little, positive things

They develop a habit of 3:1- for every negative thing they somehow keep in mind 3 positive things, no matter how small or apparently insignificant---and thus never get diluted!

6.    They seek opportunities for growth and learning

I love this one! I have noticed in my life that whenever I am in a setting in which I am learning or growing something of interest to me, I am in straight "happiness mode" no matter what might not be going right…And the flip side to this is that whatever happens to the resilient person is always part of the "leverage factor", he or she is going to take it as a learning experience. "I worked for American Harper's Bazaar... I got fired," Anna Wintour once said. "I recommend that you all get fired, it's a great learning experience."

7.    They're endlessly grateful

Sounds weird? Try it! I bet you will find that going into "grateful mode" will nearly always manage to steer the wheel in the other direction, even slightly.

Resiliency should be taught in schools and practiced in life. In my mind, it is by far and away the best "life insurance" one can have.

Are we Building Trust?

Recently I came upon a fascinating article that quoted social psychology research as saying that Americans trust each other, their organizations and governments a great deal less than in the past. 
Another research studied showed a correlation between the level of happiness as measured by the research survey and the level of trust people had in different countries. The results showed that countries where there was a higher level of mutual trust were also the countries in which people expressed a greater level of happiness. If you are really  curious about which countries came out on top: Norway, Netherlands, Denmark, Sweden. At the bottom of the barrel you could see names like Brazil, South Africa, Turkey, among others. Mmmmmm….Israel is not on the charts…

The Science of Trust

Without going too deeply into this very touchy subject, I definitely think that the topic is an essential one: how much trust are we building? 
We are living in a world that values constant change, competition, innovation and power- these don't seem to me to be the values which can most develop trust for us, as to me trust comes from a different direction: listening, appreciating, opening up, going the extra mile, developing relationship over time and over troubled times and turbulent waters.

Are we building trust in our interaction with the world? 
In my mind without it one does not get very far, sure you can make a quick fix, deal, move and attack without trust but you aren't going to be able to progress anywhere unless you cultivate a setting, environment and channels of trust. 
It's a basic human value of all societies. Start by trusting yourself…and me?...and then we'll be off and running…

To Work with Relatives and Friends...yes or no?

I think we have all heard about the "big warning"- DON'T open a business or work with a close relative or friend! 
We probably have all heard one or two horror stories, family break-ups, lawsuits in our time... but what do so many of us do?
EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE! 
We end up working with brothers and sisters, cousins and uncles, close friends and neighbors, it makes sense, doesn't it, that in a world in which you need to trust people the people who are closest to you can be trusted the most. 
And that is traditionally called "family and friends".

In a recent mastermind meeting we tackled this subject, as it was a topic raised by one of our members and the truth be told- there were different opinions and experiences. 
One thing that was unanimously agreed upon was that the issue is a sensitive one that must be addressed ahead of time, either between the parties alone or with the assistance of an outside professional (coach, consultant, business partner, for example). 
The mastermind was a great platform to get a lot of relevant information and experience in an intensive way within a positive and "results-oriented" framework.

In the end family is sometimes stronger than anything else, so if you want a family and want friends you need to work at making it happen.

Business Owner/ Manager- what about your Business Model?

When was the last time you really had an in-depth session to analyze your business model, when you had the opportunity to assess it, get feedback on it, see how it looks from the outside?

This is exactly what we did at a recent "DunetzMastermind" meeting and…the room came alive! There was one brave soul who came clean with talking about his business model- that is in straight talk "how I make money". In fact he was pretty certain he had it down pat, that this is the way "everybody does it", the so called informal "industry standard", and so on.

From here on you can imagine where the mastermind discussion went, it did not stop only with how much money, when to take it and how to build client commitment. 
Once we made sure that the egos where checked at the door, the discussion drilled down to how this individual, a valued and appreciated long-time member of the group, set boundaries, set goals, saw himself, believed in his product, believed in his abilities, how he started, preserved and managed relations…

You see, friends, once you have the right setting for the mastermind (and this takes work, skill, experience and authenticity of all), almost anything you bring to the mastermind will automatically generate true value.
And if you are in business and are not checking up, in and around your business model the chances are that you may have fallen asleep and are bound to find yourself way off the track you may have thought you were on!

As we say in our neck of the wounds, "When was the last time 10 supportive and professional others thought with you, for you, were there beside you and behind you for ….YOU!? THAT is what we do in the mastermind….don't forget your relationship with your business model!

Going beyond Capitalism

Another great post from Dr, Itzhak Adiges, one of my favorite business-management/life thinkers.... I think his final paragraph is the most enlightening:

"A new theory of management and economics is being called for. One that provides new goals to be followed; where profits are not the goal, but a by-product of reaching the desired goal."

I think we can all take this "macro-message" and see where it finds us on our "micro-level". It is not only a new managerial theory that is important- as this is what Adiges does for a living, and he is great at it- but a new "personal way of interacting with the capitalist world"....

-------------------------------------------------------

What is Wrong With 
Business Schools?

Fifty years ago, when I received my MBA and doctoral degrees at Columbia University Business School, MBA programs were not yet popular. Since that time offers have grown like mushrooms after the rain, especially in Eastern Europe and the developing countries. In India, I have noticed Business Schools are everywhere, and the US business schools are making fortunes essentially franchising their programs.

What is wrong with that?

Economics and business schools teach that the purpose of business is to produce profits. Finance theory and micro-economic theory preach that the goal of business is to increase earnings per share. So do all other courses in marketing and even human resources. The profit motivation is always there as the measuring rod of success.

Granted, here and there you can find a course devoted to social responsibility, but it functions as a fig leaf for the real program, which is clearly oriented around profit: market domination for profit orientation, etc.

What is wrong with it? It legitimizes greed.

Making profit, the purpose and goal for which a business exists, validates and justifies greed. If there were no greed, profit motivation as a goal would not be as attractive.

So what, one may ask?

To make profits, companies have to create needs so they can increase revenues. Just look at the variety of products being provided just in a supermarket. We promote meat consumption and never in the history of mankind has so much meat been consumed per capita. And what is the meat consumption doing to our environment? Do you know how much water and land use is necessary for one pound of cow meat? And how much pollution of our water resources the dairy business causes?

The result is that companies are profitable while the environment is increasingly getting destroyed. Our standard of living is going up while our quality of life is going down.

To increase profits, companies seek global sourcing of products and go where the costs are the lowest. That creates unemployment at home.

We preach democracy, go to war and sacrifice our children's lives supposedly to bring democracy to far-away lands, only to turn around and franchise or promote business schools who teach anything but democracy in how corporations should be managed.

Representing owners, corporate governance is not democracy. Workers who are managed have no say in who their leaders will be. The reality is that we teach that benevolent dictatorship is the most-desired leadership model of corporations. That is the reality of our management education.

The search for economic returns is impacting how top managers behave, too. The gap in salaries between top management and workers is the highest it's been since the era of the robber barons in the late nineteenth century.

The result is that we legitimize greed and then condemn it, live in a galloping consumer society that is wasteful beyond comprehension, and preach democracy but promote non-democracy in our corporate life.

Overall I would say the system, as we know it now, is producing unexpected, undesired collateral damage. Profit-seeking as the preeminent goal is a force of disintegration, which is hurting us and will hurt future generations even more. Business Schools are the swamps that breed the malaria carrying mosquitoes.

The efforts to make business leaders more socially conscious is like swimming against a tsunami. After a year of indoctrination that profits are the goal to be focused on and the basis of which we grant rewards, coupled with the natural desire to accumulate wealth, developing social consciousness is like an aspirin for cancer. It might relieve the pain (i.e. sense of guilt) for a short-time, but the damage will continue to happen.

What about the theory that leadership of business organizations should have a host of stakeholders to consider in their decision-making? The community, workers, and needs of the environment are not to be ignored.

Nice in theory. In practice, if your competition produces better profits than you, your position as a leader of the corporation might be in jeopardy.

What about the claim that socially conscious corporations are more profitable? Maybe, but note how the profit motive is driving even social consciousness as a measure of justification for the effort.

But responsible businesses practice philanthropy, you might say.

I find it ironic that Coca Cola Company, for instance, finances a chair for social responsibility at a business school. A company that is feeding sugar millions of people with dire health consequences. The same goes for McDonald's and Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC).

Fig leaf efforts.

A new theory of management and economics is being called for. One that provides new goals to be followed; where profits are not the goal, but a by-product of reaching the desired goal.

Just thinking.

Sincerely,

Dr. Ichak Kalderon Adizes

Where is that idea you have been hiding?

Bob Burg, is the co-author of a great little book called "The Go-Giver"
which I bet most of you have seen or read. He writes a wonderful blog and I would like to post it below because I love the energy, direction and vision of it all.

The fact is that we have so many ideas that we are afraid of putting forth, so many ideas which never really make it to consideration due to lack of time, attention, drive and support. Who knows how many great ideas have been buried before life has brought them forward.

I would like to ask you: what idea are you burying that should be out there for due attention and potential cultivation?

---------------------------------------- 


The Go-Giver Blog 

Finding The Way (To Create Value and Profitability) 
Posted: 25 Aug 2014 06:51 AM PDT
My friend, bestselling author and Prosperity Authority, Randy Gage has famously said:
“You don’t have a money problem. You have an idea problem.”
Randy’s premise is that if you can find a way to bring value to others (i.e., the marketplace) your money situation will be well taken care of. This, of course, ties into what John David Mann and I say in our Go-Giver Series which is:
“Money is an echo of value. It’s the thunder to value’s lightning.”
In Certified Go-Giver Speaker and Branding Authority, Bill Ellis’ recent Friday’s Fearless Brand Blog post he highlighted Enterprise Rent-A-Car Founder, Jack Taylor who came up with a new twist to an already-established idea and built his little company into an international powerhouse. It was a great idea.
A young entrepreneur by the name of Fred Smith looked at package delivery in a different way than anyone else did and saw his company, Federal Express dominate the marketplace. It was a great idea.
A native New Jersian turned Texas lawyer named Herb Kelleher teamed up with some people who felt they could “democratize the skies.” Despite having to fight through a whole lot of political beauracy and Cronyism to make it happen, they have soared from the get-go. In an industry in which practically all their competitors lose money, they have been profitable for the over 40 years they have been in business.
From Bill Gates to Steve Jobs to Mary Kay; from Sara Blakely to Donald Trump to Tony Hsieh; From Debbie Fields to Amar Bose to Louise Hay…people who have ideas – and are willing to find a way to apply those ideas – are the ones who prosper. And, Free-Market Capitalism* being what it is (where no one can be forced to buy from you), they can ONLY prosper by finding ways to provide significant value to the lives of many, many others.
None of the above mentioned companies; none of the above people, started out big. But, they had an idea. And, they were willing to pursue it.
You can, too.
Most likely, no one is going to hand you the idea. You’ve got to find it. And, you do so by placing other peoples’ (the marketplace’s) interests first. Then you determine how to do it and keep doing it until the world embraces the value you have created.
—–
*I love the quote by my favorite economist, Professor Walter Williams:
“Prior to capitalism, the way people amassed great wealth was by looting, plundering and esnslaving their fellow man. Capitalism made it possible to become wealthy by serving your fellow man.”

Hey Guy- Got Hobbies?

"Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto." 
Dale Carnegie

As a coach, I found the following article on the importance of hobbies to be an important one. 
You see, many of us are stuck in careers that make little sense, feel bonded and caged in some ways, depleted of energy with no real career change plan.
And here is where hobbies can sometimes save the day because it gives the individual a creative outlet where the career has not.

We are living in a day and age where the choice of hobbies is so great that one can get stressed out just by having to choose, so knowing how to choose a hobby is also important. 
On the other hand it is not what hobby that one chooses that really counts, in my opinion, but how serious, persevering and involved one gets in it- the more the better, taking all other "life stuff" into consideration.

So, guys….if you have a good hobby, good for you- keep it up! And if you are not there yet---go for it! It can make the difference between a life full of meaning and a life spent "waiting for Godot"….

http://www.dailygood.org/story/782/the-power-of-hobbies-carolyn-gregoire/

Are you an Adrenalin Junkie?

I once had a client here in Israel who was a neurologist with extensive work with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
In a moment of levity (or not?) he once told me: "Really, Ronnie, you don't think Israel is an ADHD country? How often have you felt that people here have zero ability to put off anything, which is a cardinal symptom of ADHD".
Mmmm….I really laughed because I too have encountered this thought in my mind, albeit without the "ADHD country label".

Yet, on the more serious side, we all know or have experienced in ourselves or with others the need to continually be in action, to be on the go, to be do-do-doing something, God forbid a lull in the action, we might get depressed and start wilting away…

Do check if you are an "adrenalin-junkie" and, if yes, take steps to control it.
 Adrenalin is a great thing to have if you want to push ahead but when it manages you, your decisions in life, career or business, watch out!
I have seen time and again business owners make horrible decisions because they did not have the time to think, reflect, consult and allow for processes to happen.

Don't be one of those…cheers!

What is Home anyway?

"Home is knowing. Knowing your mind, knowing your heart, knowing your courage. If we know ourselves, we're always home, anywhere. " 

( Glinda, the Wizard of Oz )

I have often battled with answering this question. 

At times I think it is obvious, at others I have my doubts. 

Home is something in your mind, it is a concept and you can have many "homes" if you want just as you have many "identities" in your life. As a former extensive traveler I found my "home" in different countries with different kinds of people, ways of life and cultures. 

The "home" concept can help you live a great life if you widen, expand and share it with others….it can also be a terrible concept when you use it as a way to extend hate and violence. 

I like to feel that the world is my home, although I must admit that I get a lot of opposition to this from those who see "home" as more parochial, limited and "only for us"….that is already a different post…

Below is an article about home from the "homeless" perspective.

http://www.dailygood.org/story/835/what-does-home-even-mean-michell-burwell/

To want and to REALLY WANT

"Wanting something is not enough. You must hunger for it. Your motivation must be absolutely compelling in order to overcome the obstacles that will invariably come your way."(Les Brown)

We are a super-wanting culture. It seems that wherever you go there is something that you want, want to achieve, want to change….but do you really want it?

I have found that people are quick to "want things" but not quick at all to REALLY WANT them, that is a big difference. You see if you REALLY WANT something you will break down walls, cross bridges, go out on a limb and do nearly everything to make things happen.

So be aware and ask yourself about the important stuff: do you REALLY WANT it?

Robin Williams is gone…his legacy gone deep

Hearing about  the death of Robin Williams saddened me greatly. 
It was a type of sadness that has multiple sides to it: the sadness that a person has taken his own life, the sadness that a person so talented is no longer with us, the sadness that someone who touched a chord in me is no longer with us. 
There was the phenomenally talented Williams and, as we all know today, there was the Williams who struggled with addiction, financial instability and psychological challenges.

The Williams that is most memorable to me is the Robin Williams who played John Keating, in The Dead Poet's Society, a 1989 acclaimed classic. In this film, Williams as Keating merge in my memory…. Keating is an out-of –the-box English teacher who comes to an upper-class, all-boys prep school in Northeast USA, but it is not "English" that he ends up teaching but inspiration, vision, purpose and "calling". 
Williams throws out the dry, boring and stifling syllabus that is dictated to him in favor of the "inspiration of poetry". Using the Latin words from classic poetry- "Carpe Diem", translated as "Seize the Day"- his words of guidance, and what follows is totally engrossing, motivating and moving. His "preppies" suddenly come alive with nightly meetings in nature, reading poetry from within passion, adventure is combined with self-expression, going beyond borders, passion for life and for living life.

It is only a matter of time that Keating is pounced on by the schools' conservative headmaster, virtually "crucified" by staunch conservative wealthy authoritarian parents- his time is limited at the school and all kids of sad, tragic things happen. 
In the end though, Hollywood does not allow for our "good guy" to leave without getting credit for all he has done. 
Keating is axed but not before his boys step up on the chairs of the room, tearfully and emotionally part with their teacher-mentor for life.

I cried in this movie, not an unusual thing as I often find myself tearing in the cinema, however, here it was different, more personal, more internal. 
I was about 30 when the film came out, apparently far from being a teenager, but you know what? Not so far… because I think in many ways that I (and perhaps you as well?) are forever teenagers, looking to "suck the marrow from life", as we hear in the Dead Poet's Society. It is this "teenager-hood" in us that pushes creativity, innovation and "zest for life'" forward.

Robin Williams,  the John Keating forever embedded in my memory, was a remarkable individual. 
We miss you Robin, keep up that spark wherever you are and even if you today literally belong to the "Dead Poet's Society" we will never forget---Carpe Diem!

Whatever you do just remember: Everything Changes!

I remember as a child first learning the teaching attributed to Hillel, one of Judaism's most influential Rabbinic sages and scholars who lived more or less 3000 years ago. 
When asked " What is the essence of Torah standing on one foot?", Hillel said: "That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn.
"These kinds of pithy, wise sayings go a long way in one's psyche, certainly as a child. 

Buddhist philosophy has a number of wise sayings as well which go a long way to insight. 
Suzuki Roshi, one of the premier Zen teachers who came from Japan to San Francisco in the latter half of the 20th century was quite a dominant force for spiritual growth of many disaffected young Americans during those tumultuous times…“Suzuki Roshi, I’ve been listening to your lectures for years,” a student said during the question and answer time following a lecture, “but I just don’t understand. 
Could you just please put it in a nutshell? Can you reduce Buddhism to one phrase?”

Everyone laughed. Suzuki laughed. “Everything changes,” he said. Then he asked for another question.

Actually, today I am not laughing at all at these two wise teachings. 
To me it is really a guide to better living: knowing that you are not alone in this world, there is sense and wisdom in ethical harmony AND that whatever is happening right now will change. 
Knowing that goes a long way to help from being ruled by attachment, anxiety and anger…hopefully…

First Thing: Just Listen!

This past week was a very special one for me and for the group I have put together, along with my friend, Dr. Yosef Bishara from Tira. The group called " Different Cultures, One Humanity", is comprised of Jews and Arabs from the Sharon and Triangle areas in Central Israel. We meet once a month, each time in a different home of one of the members, once in the Jewish towns and villages, once in the Arab towns and villages (and if you are asking why they are separate, it is a great question and in my opinion part of the problem….we have many problems here….). Our goal is to stay of politics and on to creating bonds of education, culture, friendship and human kindness.

We, the founders, were very much troubled in the past weeks about if and when we should have our monthly meeting. We asked ourselves if in this terrible time of war in Gaza, if it is indeed appropriate, reasonable, sensible and feasible to have such a meeting. After all- thousands of Palestinians have been wounded and killed in Gaza, Israeli soldiers have given their lives, have wounded their bodies and souls, half of Israel has been under rocket attack for weeks, part of Gaza have been effectively destroyed and demolished…with fear, racism and  hate in the air- is this a time to gather and talk to each other peacefully in the warmth of our homes?

We feared that the members would not show up. If you

don’t  show up it doesn't happen , as we all know. However….our fears were groundless, the group showed up in unprecedented numbers, it was as if they were just sitting there and waiting for us to give them a call and make it happen. More than 25 Jews and Arabs sat in a small room in Tira and came for the specific reason that we all felt- this is not the way to live! There is no future in just continuing the violence, hate and killing!

I facilitated a "listening circle", asking every member to take hold of the "listening and object" and take up to 5 minutes to speak from the heart- and speak from the heart they did…. speaking of the fear for relatives who were in combat, for distant Palestinian residents in Gaza who were caught in the violence, fear of Palestinians in Israel from moving around freely in Israel amongst Jews, fear of Jews in entering Arab Israeli villages, both are things that are part of the regular daily routine here in Israel, quite a different story while war rages above, around and within us.

This was a listening circle, not a "talking circle". We were there to let people express that which was in their hearts without interference from others…. the effect was dramatic! For nearly two hours, even amidst ambient noise from the streets, the children, people moving around us, we were there as one, listening, reflecting, the pain, the fears, the tears and the hope…the hope to soon get to better, more human more promising days.

It was a very emotional evening, a very memorable one and a very authentic one. I recall that one smart person once remarked that listening – true and total listening- is nothing less than a gesture of love. And love is something that we all need and seek more of.

Have Hope: Will Grow

Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.
Robert H. Schuller

It took the medical world many years to realize that the presence of hope in a given patient might just be one of the best controllable resources he has to overcome illness.  
It took the business world a long time to realize that an employee with hope has more motivation and will also "produce" more for the company. 
As for politicians….can't answer that one as I don't know many whom I really trust to cultivate and not manipulate human hope.

It was Viktor Frankl, the famed psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor who so vividly described in his writings that it was those concentration camp inmates who garnered, cultivated and maintained hope, that managed (to some degree) to survive. 
His approach of logotherapy was developed on the idea that hope and meaning are what drives human beings.

We tend to forget about hope as an essential life resource, often relegating it to a "nice to have" status- this should not be the case. 
We coaches know how important it is indeed to help our clients find the path of hope in their lives, plans and aspirations.
As the article below describes, those "with hope" fare far better than those without. 
In his last presentation to the American Psychological Association in 2005, the late C.S. Snyder, a foremost researcher in the field, laid out the results of studies conducted over a decade using the “Hope Scale,” a measuring tool and test he created. 
“Low hope” individuals, he found, have ambiguous goals and work toward them one at a time, whereas “high hope” individuals often pursue five or six clear goals simultaneously. 
Hopeful people had preferred routes to achievement and alternate pathways in case of obstacles. Low scorers didn’t. 

Let's keep an eye out for ourselves and for others to detect where hope is lacking, perhaps we can do just a little bit more to help both ourselves and others get up that "hope learning curve"- because learning to have hope is also a skill that can be taught.

And if it can be taught it can be done.

Growing Hope

Where are your limits?

When a man has put a limit on what he will do, he has put a limit on what he can do. 
 (Charles M. Schwab)

In these days of war, fear, casualties and uncertainty, I am wondering again about all these things that we relate to when we hear the word "limits"- because we see that time and again we are up against our limits and find that- time and again- that there is no "scientific barometer" to the word "limit". 
If it is the soldier in the battlefield, the decision-maker behind the lines, the parents worried sick about the soldiers down below, the small children terrified from the rockets and sirens… limits are something that we find, like it or not,  and that we can and do go beyond.

A larger, more powerful perspective on limits are those that we put on ourselves, those that stop our activity (or stop our inaction), for whatever reason… in other words, when one learns what keeps us back one also learns, inherently, what can make us go---this is at the heart of the coaching model, one of the keys to its success and the reason why coaching can be there for anybody who is willing, ready and able to say- "I will re-define my limits".

Remember: limits are what you do with what you have. As such it is always with potential to be under construction and growth! 

Worry? Ok, but don't sweat the small stuff

"A man is about as big as the things that make him angry."
WINSTON CHURCHILL

Worry. Worry, worry, worry….it's a natural, human reaction, it always has been and always will be even though it's added value is usually negligible if not downright negative at times.
 I don't think we can really fight the tendency, better off to control it. 

One way to control it is to remember that if you want to worry about something make sure it is the "big stuff", not the small stuff. All those ups and downs that get you riled up, arguing, deliberating and so on….is it really worth it?

Churchill said it better than most of us could. 
Let's keep the worries concentrated and focused on those big picture subjects, in this way I think we will find more efficiency, more effectiveness and probably a more balanced life.

Are you busy or just doing "busy-work"?

In our day in age we get the feeling that everybody is overly- busy, there is not just enough time to get all these tasks done. 
Just the other day I was facilitating a group of hi-tech managers and was amazed about how pressed they were in that they were not able to read all their e mail, let alone answer them intelligently. 
There is a difference between "busy" and doing "busy-work". 
Busy is just ... busy. 
Getting lots of things done, being in action, having a full calendar. 
In my mind most "busy" that is efficient is really a positive thing. 
However, when we say "busy-work" there is an element of lack of efficiency and lack of reflection, this I would say is a negative frame of mind.

Busy can lead you to a sense of accomplishment, meaning and effectiveness, there is probably some type of framework with goals and tasks involved. 
Busy-work often camouflages a lack of focus as well as a fair amount of unneeded stress and tension. 
Hurried and tension are not very helpful in most cases and it probably means that you are lacking a workable, sustainable framework and probably will run out of steam before you get to and establish desirable results.


I would like to invite and challenge you readers and ask you to ask yourselves, what can you do to create a better "busy" without leading to undue hassle and tension?


Think about it. It can be a powerful question towards an important change in your work and life!

The Harder it gets…the better the opportunity?

These are extraordinary difficult times, as the War in Gaza enters its fourth week. 
So many of us find ourselves in a turmoil, an emotional roller coaster, with no preparation, no road map. 
Fighting in Gaza, rockets into Israel, our soldiers on the ground and we…. are left to wonder, hope, pray and help ourselves keep calm to make it to the next day. 
This is my first time as a father to a combat soldier, it is not a role I looked forward to, to say the least, and before I had time to get used to it I find myself in the thick of things…


Life has a habit of throwing us into all types of difficulty and challenge. 
It is times like these that I think and contemplate pieces of wisdom to see how it can help find clarity within chaos- one such piece is that of Albert Einstein's within "difficulty there is opportunity". 
Isn't it really so? As treacherous and as frightening as war is- and I hate all war- perhaps it in lie the seeds of opportunity, if only know how to look…

Are Israelis obnoxious? Yes…but on the other hand…

What I am going to say is probably going to tick off some people in more ways than one, but I just hope that even these people will read to the end(not something very common here in Israel…)

I'll start by saying that I wasn't born here. Not even close- I immigrated to Israel at age 21 from the US, that small country that has some connection with Israel…despite the fact that my Israeli mother spoke to me in Hebrew (I answered in English), and despite that fact that I received a strong Jewish, Zionist and Hebrew education in school, and despite the fact that I made a number of visits to Israel in my childhood to spend time with the many relatives here, it was only when I came to Israel and went into the army did I understand the whole truth: no matter how much I wanted it to be otherwise I was not "really Israeli". At times I was "almost there" as my Hebrew was quite good, but within a few minutes of any conversation the truth became clear that "they" were Israeli and I was something different, unlike those "Certified Israelis".

I will make the picture a bit more complicated. I am embarrassed to say and recall that as a child and teenager that I was a type of class leader and instigator in poking fun at the many Israelis who made their way to our Jewish communities in those days- some as Hebrew and Jewish Studies teachers, others as summer camp counselors, still others as children of "Yordim"- a somewhat pejorative term in those days for Israelis who left Israel for the "easy life" of America and Europe. I am ashamed to recall just how active I was in laughing at these Israelis who spoke English with an accent (which was odd since both my parents had heavy accents in English!), I would laugh at the way the Kibbutzniks came to play basketball with us in the "Paladium" hiking boots (did they not realize that this was a definite "no-no"!). I would poke fun and instigate others at how these Israeli teachers could not really control our rowdy class of Jewish-American kids. I was a child, a teenager, I had a swift tongue and I used it in a fresh and unkindly manner. Don't recall too much compassion coming out of me then…too bad, all water under the bridge of the 1960's and 70's.

I immigrated to Israel, not once but three times. I left, not once but twice. As it looks now, with nearly 25 years of staying put here that this is it, although who knows what may lie ahead of us on the other side of the tunnel…

During these years I have met and gotten to know thousands of Israelis, in Israel and around the world, from all walks of life and situations. So…are Israelis obnoxious? In my opinion, and in a totally over-generalized way in many ways….yes! There is something in the Jewish DNA that has evolved in this land that consumes its people that has created so many obnoxious people, let's face it. If you live here- or even if you don't- you have certainly seen them on the road, in the bank, post office, public places, places of work, etc., they are everywhere…aggressive, loud, pushy, opinionated, ego-centered, nobody else exists except for them…easy to argue, easy to fight with, easy to rip you off in business, winners of the Nobel Prize for lack of patience, nervous, tense, cut you off in mid-sentence, winners of attention deficit award for people unlike them, want everything NOW, hopelessly fatalistic and short on hope for the future…in a country with a climate that is too hot, traffic jams that are too long, prices that are too high, enemies who are painfully too many and too dangerous…

You don't believe me? Do your own survey amongst Americans, European and Asians who meet Israelis selling them stuff from the Dead Sea in shopping centers, or Jewish communities in the US- go ahead and ask them, sorry to say but you are probably not going to get a great reception….in short I would venture to say that the "typical Israeli" is not so typically appreciated…

But, on the other hand, and boy is there ever an "other hand"…

Are you aware of what has been going on here for the lasts 3 weeks during the "Operation Protective Edge"- pretty dumb name in English- let's call it the War in Gaza? I am at a loss of words to describe that intensity of feeling and pride how the people of this country have risen to the occasion to unite during these very difficult times…you have to be here and see it to believe it! This is what happens when the people of this country feel threatened, when they find themselves under unceasing danger of rockets being fired and tunnels being dug from under their homes with blood-hungry terrorists coming from nowhere headed for their next massacre in Israeli villages.

Volunteers in the tens of thousands preparing huge amounts of food, hot meals for a population as large as the Unites States, people heading south with makeshift devices to help soldiers have the opportunity to finally have a shower, a haircut, hear some music, what have you. People how have left their homes only for the purpose of giving, supporting, helping and showing their live for the soldiers, who are our sons and daughters, soldiers who are sacrificing their very lives in order that Israelis can be spared the fear, trauma and danger of rockets flying overhead.

And the funerals…how painful…one solider who was killed, was a "lone soldier" from the US, who was here without family. One person wrote on facebook that he wanted to encourage people to honor his memory by attending the funeral- 30,000 people turned out!! They came because they wanted to show their appreciation, their love for someone they did not know but who they knew came to help Israel exist and continue to exist. One funeral after the other, thousands of people who come, most with no connection to the deceased, only that he was way too young to go. One can feel the strong embrace, the tears that flow from so many hearts…families of the deceased know and feel that they are loved even in life's loneliest moments, they know that they are not alone.

The wounded are visited by hundreds of strangers, everywhere you go there is someone offering, doing, asking if and how they can help…hundreds of thousands of Israelis are under rocket fire but they endure, they carry out their daily lives and continue to support the military in its efforts to bring about a safer existence for them and so many others. Even on the micro-level, with so many people the parents or family of combat soldiers in and around Gaza it is hard to concentrate and people understand, they accept, they support…it is all for the effort that people understand, appreciate and hope to assist.

One cannot complete these words without noting the soldiers themselves; those young people aged 19, 20, 21 as well as those more than twice their age, who have willingly gone to put their very lives on the line between Gaza and Israel. They have done it, and with the strongest of motivation, because they understand, trust and believe in what they are doing, despite the danger and fear. As a father of one such soldier who is somewhere between his home and Gaza right now in these very tense days I can say…that today I feel and understand "the other hand" more than ever before.

The "other hand" of the Israeli is clearer and more compelling to me than ever before. I deeply know that if and when I will ever be in true danger, hardship, threat…if I should ever have the unfortunate experience of getting stranded in a car at 3 AM in the middle of nowhere, I know that there are so so many people who will come to my assistance. This country of Israelis continues to be full of obnoxiousness but…when push comes to shove…there is a very deep human soul that is here beneath the surface, above and around us and IT is the oxygen that we breathe daily in this difficult part of the world, whether we notice it or not. It is true that people here can drive you nuts, but…in the moment of truth…with all the niceties, politeness, smiles, comfort and order behind us, this a country with a "protective edge". A big heart drives the "obnoxiousness" here but it also drives the huge heart that makes this nation tick…

Even if we don't sleep much at night we can still sleep quietly. A paradox? Of course! But on the other hand…

HOW TO TURN A MID-LIFE CRISIS INTO A MILLION-DOLLAR BUSINESS

I just saw this lovely blog post on "Fast Company"  and loved it:
HOW TO TURN A MID-LIFE CRISIS INTO A MILLION-DOLLAR BUSINESS

Photo by Grant Cochrane

How very often we find ourselves in the "I am my career" prison- what I have done I will always do, my profession defines me. That's it. I'm stuck.
But you are not! So long as you have the courage, determination and drive to take responsibility of YOUR life you can use so many tools, experiences and social interaction to open up those "mental chakras" and begin seeing what you never have seen before.
In this case, a  39 year old (is 30 mid-life? Wow, what does that make me, "after life"?) successful software engineer made the courageous change to say "no" to something that just made her money without any passion. She said "yes" to putting on a backpack and travelling the world. One thing led to the next---love of food---health orientation and then- a totally new business idea: "Love With Food". An online subscription box company that offers organic or all-natural snacks for $10 or $19.95 a month, Love With Food launched as a solo venture in 2011. The next year Ong’s startup raked in $250,000 in revenue. Love With Food is now up to $2 million, has 15 employees, and growing fast."
Do you feel like going out there and doing the same? Do you feel that you could also find that "missing link" in your professional life if only….if only you could put on that "backpack" and let freedom ring the creativity bell?
I know this route quite well. Have been there before and have accompanied quite a few others as a coach on that route.
Does this ring a bell? There are times that one need not wait for the bell to ring but one needs to get out there and ring them oneself!....

Mastermind and Rocket Attacks: What's the Story?

I think if you are not Israeli and/or have not experienced what it means to have rockets fired over your head and into nearby streets, fields and homes, you will have a hard time imagining just what it is I am going to write about. Because, frankly, it doesn't make any sense, it is not something that can be easily comprehended.

But this is exactly what has been the reality Southern and Central Israel (much more so in the south) for nearly 3 weeks now. I would like to share with you my little anecdote, from the "mastermind perspective".

It was the fourth or fifth day of the War in Gaza, July 2014, 12 mid-level managers gathered together for a second of four quarterly mastermind events. Participants arrived a bit late as the nightly rocket alert sirens, 24 hour news updates and morning traffic slowed us all down. After some morning refreshments they were all seated there in the circle awaiting the facilitator (me) to get the ball rolling. Which is what I did by saying, "It is very important to start every mastermind meeting with an infusion of positive energy as the mastermind is driven by positive thinking, one for the other". I explained to them that we were going to do an exercise in pairs in which each person will describe one very positive development in their lives at this very moment, "I will ring this bell", I continued," and then I want one of you to just start talking about this positive thing for two minutes." Which is what I did…but…the exact second that I rang the bell we heard a very loud "rocket alert" siren go off. We all scattered to one of the areas on the floor which was considered a "safe haven", as we were in the basement many others came down to the floor and suddenly we were about 40 or 50 of us out there waiting to hear the ….boom!... another rocket was intercepted and destroyed by "Iron Dome", the extraordinary Israeli innovation that has protected Israeli civilians from the otherwise certain damage, horror, injury and even death that would have resulted from the hundreds of rockets that have been launched into Israeli citizen, towns and villages over the past few weeks.

A few minutes later we were all back in the room, seated, buzzing with energy and adrenalin, but back in stride, moving ahead with our daily program. The Mastermind took over as if nothing had happen, one more siren would take place later that morning but the mastermind program took place in its entirety with all the positive, supportive and professional energy of all.

I ask you, reader, is this normal? Is this something that one can live and ignore over time? One may say many things about Israel and Israelis, both positive and negative as their view may be, but I must say that I am intensely proud and admiring of this "gene" Israelis are carrying. It is the gene, or attribute that says, "we go on, no matter what!", it does not allow the threats, violence and reprimands of others to sway daily lives. It is a type of "toughness" that makes "winners", regardless if your views are "left or right", "religious or secular", "nationalistic or global"…I have never seen a people who can so easily just carry on the routine as if nothing has happened. It is the attribute of drive, commitment and standing up for what you believe it.

The Mastermind is not an "Israeli product", but on this day I felt it was. There was something about this mastermind event that was unlike all others. It was a mastermind that said "We are Here and Now". Rockets or no rockets, the mastermind goes on…

 

 

Meeting Life's Bummers….and Redefining Meaning

Wow! We hear and read so much about how to take life's tragedies and redefine and reframe for positivity.... but no words can match the power of seeing and witnessing something like this....awe-inspiring....sacred...

Jess Markt was going into his second year of college and was a high jumper on the University of Oregon track team when a spinal chord injury left him a paraplegic. 
He understood that he could dive deep into despair over his new future or he could simply embrace the challenge. 
He chose the latter. As it happened, Jess decided to take-on not simply his own disability, but also the traumatic disabilities of a very special group of people: Afghans crippled in the violence of the U.S. war against the Taliban.

What Jess did was "redefine meaning" in a life that turned from comfortable, competitive, successful and easy to one that was tragic, depressing, fearful and hopeless.
 It took him a few hours, then a few days, then a few weeks and then a few months, but then----he found his new meaning and he lifted himself from despair to service!

The following video says it far better than words. 
Jess sought out paraplegics from as far away as he could- Kabul Afghanistan- and brought them new meaning and a new life via what Jess knew best- sports.

To me, people like Jess are the real teachers, mentors and coaches of life….I salute them in body and soul!
The League of Afghanistan

Coaching Helps Prevent the Fixation Problem

Since listening is a very important part of what I do as a coach, I am always amazed how powerful it is to be on the "outside" of an "internal dialogue" that a client may be having- a dialogue that is often fixating him or her in a specific direction and not letting movement occur.

We have all been there, fixated on doing "our way" of solving things, our way of approaching problems, our way of getting the results we are used to getting but…. suddenly it is not working out! 
Perhaps we can recall a time when it happened at school, or in sales situation or a presentation that suddenly is not working out. In the coaching room I often see it in that clients are fixated on a particular thing a person said or mistake they made or "what if" fear that is paralyzing them.

I love the coaching question of "what else?", there is also the "why do you think so" and lots of others that help unravel the client from himself… this article below is wonderful in that it brings research and examples in the medical field, flying and even simple manual problem solving to the "fixation scene". 
I think we can all heed the lesson that is so essential to the coaching and mastermind process: there are many ways to climb the mountain, many ways to communicate, many ways to understand and many ways to live one's life.

How Fixation Error Prevents You From Solving Problems