Authenticity and Happiness

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Wouldn't it be fascinating to research the subject, "The history of lies"? 
As far out as this seems, and, yes, it does seem more like scientific fiction than anything else, it would be a tremendous boost to human knowledge and behavior! 
Somewhere along the line, somewhere in evolution, human beings began to "discover" the lie, i.e., how to build a divide between what they think, what they say and what they do. 
In many ways it has long become a societal "standard" and we don't think too much about it. But the damage is clear- is it not? 
The minute one begins to divide up thought from emotion and action one begins to lose energy, vitality, impact and yes…Passion for life!

Can a person walk one way, move his head in another way and keep his body in the same place? 
Obviously not. So why do we think we can do it with our thoughts, feelings and actions?

In the traditional East they talk much about "centering", in Japan it is the "hara", in Chinese it is the "Tan tien", in India it is the same, only a different word. To me "centering" is authenticity, and in the words of Mahatma Ghandi, it is also happiness.
In Hebrew there is an old saying that goes, "His mouth and his heart are equal". Same idea, same wisdom.
Authenticity IS Happiness, but apparently, it takes a lot of "undoing" to get there. Sounds so simple, no?...

What Aikido Taught me about Creating in Life

In my coaching clinic at home there is really just one certificate that stands out for me in its significance and value. 

It isn't the International MBA from a prestigious American institution, nor my diplomas in such areas as Human Resources, Buddhism and Agriculture, and not even the honorary this and that of all kinds of activities. 

It is my Sho-Dan, first degree black-belt certificate in Aikido that I earned in Japan over 30 years ago. 

Why, you may ask, what's the big deal?

When I got my black belt certificate after only 2 years in Osaka, Japan (it is customary to get it early in Japan), I felt that I had not earned any great achievement because learning Aikido was a lifetime thing after all. 

As my teacher would tell me, "Ronnie, you deserve what you earned but don’t forget that from here on you are now just considered a "serious student". 

Aikido to me in those days was the focus of my life- all the rest of the stuff, including the teaching of English to Japanese corporate managers and housewives were all secondary. 

Aikido was taking me deep inside as well as high above, all while I was learning to take the falls on the Aikido mats.

Life had it that within a few years I would discontinue my Aikido practice, no big ideological rift, just moves from Japan to Taiwan, to Israel, to the US, back to Israel, and on the way new things, teachers, patterns and routines came up. 

The "soft" Chinese internal martial arts (T'ai Chi Chuan, Bagwa Chuan) entered my life, years later yoga re-entered but for the most part there was a vacuum, an absence of practice. 

Yet, I never have stopped "dreaming Aikido", it amazes me just how deeply ingrained the movements and energy of those years appeared in my life.

Aikido is much more than a martial art, in fact to my mind, it is much more of a way of life than a martial practice.
Aikido, founded in Japan by Morihei Ueshiba (known as "O-Sensei), in the years between the two world wars of the twentieth century, developed a deep philosophy and "way of harmony", of peace and non-violence, of protecting the opponent and of neutralization and flexibility of mind and body.
To me, all these terms seemed unusual to be juxtaposed to "martial training", even in the larger sense of the word. I did "get it", after some time, at least to my understanding: Aikido is really about creating options.
There are thousands of Aikido techniques and new ones are being created all the time. Aikido talks of posture, centering, breathing, alignment, relaxation, swiftness, depth, and so much more. As in Aikido, so it is in life.

Aikido is about "creating options", there are the physical movements called "waza", but they represent and train deeper "spiritual" or "psychological" perspectives.
For example, in the words of the  American Aikido teacher, George Leonard, " What do you do when somebody pushes you?
With any kind of push, whether a shove or strike or kick, the aikidoist generally moves toward the attacker and slightly off the line of attack, simultaneously making a turning maneuver that leaves him or her next to the attacker and facing in the same direction. 

In this position, the aikidoist is looking at the situation from the attacker's viewpoint. It's important here to add one more phrase to that statement.
The aikidoist is looking at the situation from the attacker's viewpoint without giving up his or her own viewpoint.

This entering and blending maneuver immediately multiplies your options.
Thousands of techniques and variations have been identified in aikido, all of which become possible once you've blended.
The same thing is true when you blend verbally, when instead of meeting a verbal attack with a verbal counterattack you respond first by coming around to your attacker's point of view, seeing the situation from his or her viewpoint.
This response, whether physical or verbal, is quite disarming, leaving the attacker with no target to focus on.
At that point, numerous options present themselves, including, best of all, the clear possibility of a reconciliation that meets the needs of both parties."

Aikido is not always about "blending", of course, but it is always about being able to see a larger scope, new ways of experiencing movement and energy, always from a vantage point of how is damage limited, violence avoided, resolution gained.
Today, with the hindsight of 13 years of coaching, I can see very clear how my "coach training" started some 32 years ago in Japan when I first entered an Aikido dojo.

Coaching, in my book is so very much about creating options, new realities, being earnest, authentic, committed. Being able to "see the world from others eyes" is not a simple matter, but for those of us who have had the privilege of tasting and internalizing Aikido, it really has become part of our "invisible toolbox".

I am sometimes amazed how it is after all these years that I still "dream Aikido", often find myself contemplating the moves and the movements.
In a very profound sense, I have come to understand, Aikido is in my coaching, my coaching is really Aikido.
That is my version of the harmony of Aikido.

You Are Free to Choose your Attitude!

“The ultimate freedom is the right to choose your attitude toward life.”
Victor Frankl

I have a rather young client- 28 years old- who is a manager in an agricultural setting. 
He has come a long way from where he grew up, a broken home with much violence. 
He has really done his best to survive a rough youth and to assume an important role at work, newly married and overall positive about life.

But there is his boss…his boss is a tough guy who lacks in many of the basic interpersonal skills that you and I might take for granted. 
He easily yells, screams, insults and even verbally denigrates my client, let's call him "R". R knows that if he makes a few wrong moves he may easily find himself out of a job. 
With a weak resume, little in the way of professional credentials and his wife 4 months pregnant, R really struggles through every day feeling that he is not respected and honored. 
R does his best but at times his temper gets the best of him.
In coaching R I tried to develop with him the idea of "choice", choosing your feelings, choosing your reaction, choosing your attitude. 
Not an easy thing but…if Victor Frankl could do it, what about us?

The freedom to choose one's attitude doesn't always shine, it is not especially photogenic and doesn't make headlines. 
But it can work. The ability to choose not to be insulted, not to be denigrated is a bold exercise in freedom. We can choose. 
We can be free. It ain't easy but it is probably the strongest tool in our toolbox.

​One Good Thing, Just One Good Thing!

For years now- over a decade actually- I have been running group "masterminds" of businesspeople (both men and women), managers, leaders, entrepreneurs, who come together for all kinds of powerful, authentic conversation. 

I love these groups, they are so much different from what I usually see "out there", there is the awesome effect of generating "collective wisdom" along with listening and all kinds of other goodies…

Here is the number one tip I can share about this kind of gathering, it is so simple that it sounds like "Duh….", but I can assure you that in 90% of organizational settings out there you won’t find it. 

It is…."Start with one good thing!" Yes, one good thing, one good thing that you did, that happened to you, that touched your life, talk about that for 2 minutes with another person in the room and then switch sides.

What's the big deal you may ask? To me, it is a VERY big deal, because we are so accustomed to going zombie-like from one place to the next always in search of "What is wrong?!". 

We are forever chasing the 100 on the test we should have gotten and don't remember that 92, 81 and even 51 out of 100 means that there is more "right" than "wrong"! 

We are in a constant negative state of mind which brings us to criticism, apprehension, a "downward spiral" of energy and so on. 

When you ask a person to talk at semi-length about "one good thing" and then listen to others do the same, you generate a different kind of dynamic, a different kind of energy.

After all if you are reading these words chances are very high that most things in your body and mind work rather perfectly, even if there are places, organs and conditions which may not be what they used to be. 

It is life, life which has so much of so much, if we do recognize the power of positive energy in our thinking, being and interacting processes we can really take things to places which we may never have discovered in the "What went wrong?" processes.

​​

No doubt, we are talking about a balance, a convergence of things and not "absolute monarchy". 

But, please, will you give it a try? Will you give it a try and reach out to yourself and to others and ask- "What is one good thing you have done recently?"

So….Do You Have a Plan?

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”
Peter Drucker

It amazes me how the concept called "action plan" is not readily understood by so many.
I am sure we are all familiar with the frequent phenomenon of "talk and more talk", "lots of sizzle but not much steak", or the "I am still thinking about it", "analysis paralysis", "weighing my options", and so on…action? Nothing!
I have seen it in my "coaching clinic" for years now many, many times in business and life coaching.

Having an action plan is actually very intuitive to most folks but only after the mind has sort of been arranged in such a way that the individual sees the goal of it all, once the goal is clear and accepted, then it is time for clarity, planning and….commitment!
The planning process, which may come easy to some does not come that easy to others, but one really "can't leave home without one", right?

Look around and ask yourself if you have the right action plans in set to go after the "right" goals, be it in your business, career or personal life.
Putting the first thing as the first thing, agreeing "with yourself" what the goal is leads one directly into action-plan stage.
Once it is there- along with the commitment, of course- you will see how the action plan creates the reality.

A serious idea= a good idea+ action plan commitment.

I know you have plenty of good ideas, right?
How about the action plan?
What is your action plan, my friend?​

Don't Ever Give up on the Passion in your Life!

I recently purchased a book from one of my favorite authors, Greg Levoy, whose first book was my "Bible" for some time, published in 1998, "Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life". It touched me deeply, motivated me in ways that I could hardly imagine, to make several core changes in my life, the chief one being to move ahead with my life in reclaiming the passion in work that had somehow eluded me more times that not. Thus, it was a great pleasure for me to get my hands on Levoy's new  493 page book, "Vital Signs: Discovering and Sustaining Passion for Life".

I didn't have to go much further than the introduction to hit a passage that floored me completely:

" A 2012 Gallup poll of employees in 142 countries found that, on average, 87 percent of are either "not engaged" or "actively disengaged"…and only 13 percent were "engaged". In the United States alone, this adds up to roughly $550 billion a years in lost productivity!!".

The term "not engaged" means you are not really connected to what exactly your living, doing and breathing in your life.
"Actively disengaged" means you are busy acting out your unhappiness, creating a lot of "dispassion" which is always very contagious.
When you are "actively disengaging" you are spreading dis-connection form things, from people, from relationships, and most alarmingly, yourself!

As human beings who are fortunate enough to be able to have the eyes, ears, mind, knowledge to use a computer or phone and the budget to use them, I want to suggest one thing: Don't ever let dis-passion and dis-engagement lead your life! You have so much going for you, the world is full of so many wonderful things, every moment there is an opportunity to make a change, small or large, and what holds you back is probably what holds most of us back- FEAR! We owe it to ourselves to find ways, methods, pursuits and relationships that will engage us even where life seems to be flowing towards "dis-engagement".

Levoy promises in the introduction to his book some of the many lessons that he learned and gathered about living passionately, and they all hit a strong chord in me, I hope they will with you as well:

Passion can be cultivated- it can be turned on as turned off.

Passion is in risk- it is about getting off the sidelines and into the playing field, taking a step out of the comfort zone of your life.

Passion breeds passion, and disinterest breeds disinterest. Watch out for the snowball effect!

Passion isn't necessarily about happiness, nor is it always a peak experience. Go out and experiment what it is for you.

Passion is intimately connected to health- health which we can seek to better both physically and psychologically.

Passion s more about endurance than exuberance. You have to work hard at it after all…

So to all the folks out there who can't stand their jobs, their bosses, their relationships, their lack of activity, health habits, way of eating, way of leisure, the place where they live and activities in which they participate….PLEASE go out and kick over your comfort zone barriers, get disengaged from the toxic stuff round and ENGAGE in what gives you life, energy, smiles and a sense of appreciation and gratefulness about life itself.
Trust me, we won't leave this world alive, why not COME ALIVE now? The world needs people that come alive.
Don't Ever Give up on the Passion in your Life!

Grow your Wisdom in Respecting the "Other"

Christmas Eve 2015, here in Israel, in the Arab town of Tira, in the Triangle area just about 20 minutes from my house.
Our Jewish-Arab Friendship and Cultural Exchange group, with nearly 30 participants proves time and again that in the midst of all the background violence, racism, fear and hate there is always room for another way to approach things.
We have been together for nearly two years now, not only discussing topics around "the situation" here in Israel, but open, sincere and empowering dialogue about each other, our careers, families, our concerns in our daily lives, among others. 

I, along with my co-organizer and friend Dr. Yosef Bishara, an impressive human being and educator who not only talks about his belief in coexistence between Jews and Arabs in Israel but also "walks his talk".
I facilitate the group's activities and always find that there is a deepening of a type of wisdom that comes when one really listens to "the other", far away from the incessant media reporting of violence and terror.
Terrorists look to instill fear by their treacherous acts and with terror there is really no other way to deal other than a "firm stick", but that should never stop the "humane route" to reach out to connect to "the other" on a human basis.
It seems very straightforward but it's not! It has always amazed me just how many people never get out of this box, this paradigm that sees life as white or black, turning their backs, minds and hearts on the opportunity to grow and forge ties with those who are unlike them. Where we live this is a very dangerous path to trod!

The year 2016 is already with us, I extend to all my friends in this group and outside of it a blessing and wish that we may we continue to "grow ourselves" and our wisdom in learning from, respecting, appreciating and growing our friendship for many days to come!