The "Thing" and the Interpretation of the "Thing"

Meanings are not determined by situations, but we determine ourselves by the meanings we give to situations. ~ Alfred Adler

Let's face it- life throws all of us curveballs, we are constantly facing situations that change on us, people who act in unexpected ways and reality that does not go according to what we had planned and designed.
It does not matter if we are talking about a business situation or a family situation or the "man/driver on the street".
We don't have the slightest bit of an idea what will happen one second from now, what thought will be in our brain, what sound we will hear and who will be the next person or system to send us a text or facebook message.
Not the kind of playing field we human control freaks would like nor the type we are trained and programmed to accept.

However…..we ALWAYS have the last call.
We always have the ability to give meaning to things that happen to us, to the situations that occur around us and to the ATTITUDE we bring to things.
Alfred Adler said pretty much the same thing you might have heard from many other teachers, philosophers, psychologists or religious thinkers.
In the end it is much more important how we interpret the "thing" than the actual "thing" itself.

Aikido- after so many years

It's amazing to me- 25 years after I stopped doing Aikido on the mats, 29 years after I was doing it intensively in Japan, I went to an Aikido celebration in nearby Kfar Saba and.... felt as if I had never left! 

Something about the art of aikido, the movement, the spirit, the things that went so deep for those few years in Japan have never left me perhaps... so much so that I even flirted with the idea of a "comeback"- something that I won't do. 

Life has moved on to new and different paths. Apparently learning is like that- one builds one layer after another, one experience builds the other. 

The spirit of Aikido- collaboration, non-violence, working with others and not against, becoming centered and strongly rooted- resonate today as it did 30 years ago!

To take life is to lose life

I am sick to the stomach with the violence that is surrounding us day in day out, how difficult it is to think about coaching and meeting goals when innocent people are being knived, maimed and killed by one terrorist after another. 
There is something about the act of taking a knife and sticking it into another human being's body that totally dumfounds and disgusts me. 
All politics, opinions, religion and who is causing what and when aside, this very act is a terrible, terrible thing.

As I see and feel, the minute one takes another's life, and not in the act of self-defense, one is also losing one's own life. 
To take life is to lose life, and the reverberations go far, wide and deep. How pitiful and sad…

My colleague and friend, Naftali Arbel, a man well past the age of 80, author, poet, teacher, man of the book and culture wrote the following. 
Naftali is "salt of the earth", born and raised in Israel, fought in the War of Independence and is a member of our group of Jews and Arabs who meet monthly to forge bonds, relationships, learning and discussion. 
The poem, translated from the Hebrew, moved me greatly.

What are we worth in the end if there is no love and no chance to develop that love of life…
----------------
The mother of life
Don’t let him hate
Don’t destroy his heart
Don’t make him miserable
From birth to eternity
Because one who hates is a walking dead
Don’t lead him to die
He was enabled by God
To live and create
And to shine light in his heart where the dark may lie.

Hearts bring light to where lies the darkness of the world
Not for binding he was born
But to freedom he was born
Isaac or Ishmael, both
are brothers –  of their great Father

Don’t slander him with your poisoned tongue – let him live
Teach him to love
To know only good
Happy as a child
Enlightening others as a grown up

Love brings life to man
Never darken his sky
Allow him to live with happiness in his life
He was born with full rights to live, laugh and to love 

Love is the mother of all living things

"I love" means - "I am alive"

Global coaching- making it happen around the world

When I first heard of coaching, some 13 years ago, I remember the thought that came across my mind: "This is very American". 
And it was, perhaps still is.
Something about the methodology, the type of conversations, the format and the approach that I observed and later researched in depth really gave me that feeling – "American…California…San Francisco"…

Yet, a gross generalization it was then and a gross generalization it is now. 
The fact of the matter is that coaching works, and works wonders so often, when there are a few basic ingredients that are in place: the desire to be there, the power of reflection, the power of dialogue and an earnest, deep-seated desire to bring about positive change. These things are not "American" but "human".

However, the way to create these conditions can vary widely across cultures and nations, not knowing this can lead to major blunders, burnt relationships and missed opportunities. Turning your back on this can even lead to the end of your business.

Coaching empowers for positive change. 
Global coaching does that in tandem, respect and collaboration with those who are different from us wherever they may be.
Go global. Go global coaching!

Are you sure you are not trying to be a pleaser?

“I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure, which is: Try to please everybody.”

– Herbert Swope

They are out there in great numbers. 

I see them quite often in my coaching clinic or on my "coaching phone". I see it in my family members and I see it at times…in myself as well!

The desire to please others is deeply ingrained in us, it actually comes from a good place, we make a lot of friends that way, people will be pleased with us because we did and acted as they told us and expected from us. 

There is only one problem with this- it is doomed to failure! 

Our lives, careers and businesses are inherently contradictory, every decision that we make will involve a choice we did NOT make, and from there it is just a hop skip and a jump to recall to finding that somebody, and maybe quite a few somebodies, are not happy campers.

So what are you going to do about it? 

Well, if you see the pleaser inside you, remind him or her that they can be a good friend but they do not run the shop around here. 

Once you develop your own voice and your own mind, and learn to use it in conversation, you will find that the world will start lining up and accepting you more and more. 

But it is YOU who must make that first step. 

That is- to find the "pleaser" in that internal place in your mind and remind him that he cannot run the show.

Once you do that, come back and let me know, will you? 

Together we might find lots of insight, commitment and creativity on the way.

Are you aware where your time is going?

Time is what we want most, but what we use worst. -- William Penn

 

Here is an interesting observation I have noted in coaching hundreds of people over the last 11+ years- most of us really don't know where are time is going!
We THINK we know, since we plan, coordinate and invite others to engage with us around schedules, but that is planning and NOT executing!
 In this age of smartphone and smart-everything, I am afraid that we have all become less "smart", time is being stolen from us by "What's Ap" groups that never end, e mails that never stop, facebook posts, a buzzer here, a ping there- most of our time is being lost to people and things we never 

even invited them to come in!

There is the plethora of data, temptation, video EVERYWHERE and so much of our time just goes, and goes and goes…
I have seen myself as a "bad guy" on many occasions with coaching clients whom I have quickly realized are "hooked" by the system and need to get out.

We need to take hold of this, it has already taken a hold of us but we are still breathing. Time is way too valuable to leave it up to chance. It is what limits us most and what we will miss the most when it runs out.

Motivation + Habit= Powerful Coaching

"Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going." 
~ Jim Rohn

We live in the age of constant change, even more constant desire, and to top it all off, short attention spans. 
One minute you are up and then next minute... you begin to read something and are then deluged with so many pop-ups, pop-downs, beepers and so on- by the time you get to the next paragraph you already forgot what it is all about...

Powerful coaching is not about "wow" all day long, it IS about finding that point of motivation in you, that point where inspiration comes in and THEN.... building a relationship that links the habit to the goal to the motivation. 
That is why great people have coaches next to them to do great things that are way out of the comfort zone. 
Add motivation to habit and you will see where it takes you!

There is Money. There is Life. Better know the difference between the two.

Tell me, when was it exactly that people began to forget that we make money to live and not live to make money?! 
Wherever I look, hear or read there is always some item about some millionaire who fell apart at the seams through reckless investments or behavior, some "ordinary guy" who traded his friends, family or trust of others to make a quick buck, or some unfortunate human being who worked himself sick about getting promoted, or getting more stock options, or making that deal which did not come around in the end. 
Doctors' offices, therapists clinics, coaching rooms, pubs and a whole bunch of other places are full of them, those people who somehow got the horse and the carriage mixed up, what comes first and what follows…

I don't blame them, just pity their souls because they seem to have suffered so much by the influence of culture which has totally gone berserk in living for and around material goods, status and "looking good". 
And there are so many of them, and you know what? This "philosophy of life", if you might call it that, is deeply engrained in most of us, because most of us are really trapped inside it. 
We don't always know it but we probably are.

It is not that material goods have anything wrong with them by nature, we all need and feel good with some of them at one level or another, but it's just that the cost of living, the competition, the globalization, the excessive lack of time has produced this "monster" and it is all about working for, amassing more, getting more of it…while the real limiting factor is not money at all. 
It is time. 
Time that passes, time that we never regain, time that forever slips away while we are busy with our "stuff". 
It seems like every other day I find myself hearing about young people coming down with brain cancer, being killed in accidents on the ground and in the air, contracting some type of disease that will forever change their lives. How sad…

I remember when I first started to visit and eventually come to Israel to live it was not like that. 
At least to me in my younger years, this was a country that had its ideals, values and way of life, sure there were always financial struggles and tons of other problems but rampant materialism did not define the culture, it was beside it. 
Not so anymore, I'm afraid, Israel has really become a "mini America", in this respect, I miss the "Israel of my youth". 
Was it Israel, was it my youth or was it really different at all? Perhaps I will never know.

But one thing I know for sure. Nobody came into this world with money, nobody left it with money and nobody in the world in fifty years from now will remember- let alone care- how much money you made or didn't make while you were here. 
So why in God's name are so many of us totally engulfed in the net of materialism that cuts away at our lives, our creativity and at the heart of the relationships that are so dear to us?

Let's welcome a return to voluntary simplicity, it will not make us worse business owners, entrepreneurs, managers, professionals, but will likely make us saner human beings, living better quality of lives for ourselves and whomever we touch around us.

See this article with a former Professor at Harvard Business School, David Corten, who has made quite a journey in this direction….

Replace the Gospel of Money: An Interview With David Korten

What if we measured wealth in terms of life, and how well we serve it?

Sharing takes courage and adds real value

I have often wondered why people DON'T share very much, you know it really is not that big a deal to share a contact, a resource and idea and make a little bit of an effort. When I read Seth Godin's post below it clicked with me that sharing really does take courage and a certain sense of openness that not everybody has.Too bad. When we share we strengthen, one another, ourselves, the framework or organization we are affiliate with and----if you want a get a bit spiritual about it- the neighborhood, the nation, the world and keep going...

And when we don't share? The opposite happens.

So, any ideas how we can share more?

 ------------------------------------------

You are what you share (Seth Godin)

I have a friend who can always be counted on to have a great book recommendation handy. 
Another who can not only tell you the best available movie currently in theatres, but confidently stand behind his recommendations.

And some people are eager to share a link to an article or idea that's worth reading.

Most people, though, hesitate. "What if the other person doesn't like it..."

The fear of being judged is palpable, and the digital trail we leave behind makes it feel more real and more permanent. 
We live in an ever-changing culture, and that culture is changed precisely by the ideas we engage with and the ones we choose to share. 

Sharing an idea you care about is a generous way to change your world for the better.

The culture we will live in next month is a direct result of what people like us share today. 
The things we share and don't share determine what happens next.

As we move away from the top-down regime of promoted movies, well-shelved books and all sorts of hype, the recommendation from person to person is now the most powerful way we have to change things.

It takes guts to say, "I read this and you should too." 
The guts to care enough about our culture (and your friends) to move it forward and to stand for something.

We'll judge you most on whether you care enough to change things.