Robin Williams is gone…his legacy gone deep

Hearing about  the death of Robin Williams saddened me greatly. 
It was a type of sadness that has multiple sides to it: the sadness that a person has taken his own life, the sadness that a person so talented is no longer with us, the sadness that someone who touched a chord in me is no longer with us. 
There was the phenomenally talented Williams and, as we all know today, there was the Williams who struggled with addiction, financial instability and psychological challenges.

The Williams that is most memorable to me is the Robin Williams who played John Keating, in The Dead Poet's Society, a 1989 acclaimed classic. In this film, Williams as Keating merge in my memory…. Keating is an out-of –the-box English teacher who comes to an upper-class, all-boys prep school in Northeast USA, but it is not "English" that he ends up teaching but inspiration, vision, purpose and "calling". 
Williams throws out the dry, boring and stifling syllabus that is dictated to him in favor of the "inspiration of poetry". Using the Latin words from classic poetry- "Carpe Diem", translated as "Seize the Day"- his words of guidance, and what follows is totally engrossing, motivating and moving. His "preppies" suddenly come alive with nightly meetings in nature, reading poetry from within passion, adventure is combined with self-expression, going beyond borders, passion for life and for living life.

It is only a matter of time that Keating is pounced on by the schools' conservative headmaster, virtually "crucified" by staunch conservative wealthy authoritarian parents- his time is limited at the school and all kids of sad, tragic things happen. 
In the end though, Hollywood does not allow for our "good guy" to leave without getting credit for all he has done. 
Keating is axed but not before his boys step up on the chairs of the room, tearfully and emotionally part with their teacher-mentor for life.

I cried in this movie, not an unusual thing as I often find myself tearing in the cinema, however, here it was different, more personal, more internal. 
I was about 30 when the film came out, apparently far from being a teenager, but you know what? Not so far… because I think in many ways that I (and perhaps you as well?) are forever teenagers, looking to "suck the marrow from life", as we hear in the Dead Poet's Society. It is this "teenager-hood" in us that pushes creativity, innovation and "zest for life'" forward.

Robin Williams,  the John Keating forever embedded in my memory, was a remarkable individual. 
We miss you Robin, keep up that spark wherever you are and even if you today literally belong to the "Dead Poet's Society" we will never forget---Carpe Diem!

Whatever you do just remember: Everything Changes!

I remember as a child first learning the teaching attributed to Hillel, one of Judaism's most influential Rabbinic sages and scholars who lived more or less 3000 years ago. 
When asked " What is the essence of Torah standing on one foot?", Hillel said: "That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn.
"These kinds of pithy, wise sayings go a long way in one's psyche, certainly as a child. 

Buddhist philosophy has a number of wise sayings as well which go a long way to insight. 
Suzuki Roshi, one of the premier Zen teachers who came from Japan to San Francisco in the latter half of the 20th century was quite a dominant force for spiritual growth of many disaffected young Americans during those tumultuous times…“Suzuki Roshi, I’ve been listening to your lectures for years,” a student said during the question and answer time following a lecture, “but I just don’t understand. 
Could you just please put it in a nutshell? Can you reduce Buddhism to one phrase?”

Everyone laughed. Suzuki laughed. “Everything changes,” he said. Then he asked for another question.

Actually, today I am not laughing at all at these two wise teachings. 
To me it is really a guide to better living: knowing that you are not alone in this world, there is sense and wisdom in ethical harmony AND that whatever is happening right now will change. 
Knowing that goes a long way to help from being ruled by attachment, anxiety and anger…hopefully…

First Thing: Just Listen!

This past week was a very special one for me and for the group I have put together, along with my friend, Dr. Yosef Bishara from Tira. The group called " Different Cultures, One Humanity", is comprised of Jews and Arabs from the Sharon and Triangle areas in Central Israel. We meet once a month, each time in a different home of one of the members, once in the Jewish towns and villages, once in the Arab towns and villages (and if you are asking why they are separate, it is a great question and in my opinion part of the problem….we have many problems here….). Our goal is to stay of politics and on to creating bonds of education, culture, friendship and human kindness.

We, the founders, were very much troubled in the past weeks about if and when we should have our monthly meeting. We asked ourselves if in this terrible time of war in Gaza, if it is indeed appropriate, reasonable, sensible and feasible to have such a meeting. After all- thousands of Palestinians have been wounded and killed in Gaza, Israeli soldiers have given their lives, have wounded their bodies and souls, half of Israel has been under rocket attack for weeks, part of Gaza have been effectively destroyed and demolished…with fear, racism and  hate in the air- is this a time to gather and talk to each other peacefully in the warmth of our homes?

We feared that the members would not show up. If you

don’t  show up it doesn't happen , as we all know. However….our fears were groundless, the group showed up in unprecedented numbers, it was as if they were just sitting there and waiting for us to give them a call and make it happen. More than 25 Jews and Arabs sat in a small room in Tira and came for the specific reason that we all felt- this is not the way to live! There is no future in just continuing the violence, hate and killing!

I facilitated a "listening circle", asking every member to take hold of the "listening and object" and take up to 5 minutes to speak from the heart- and speak from the heart they did…. speaking of the fear for relatives who were in combat, for distant Palestinian residents in Gaza who were caught in the violence, fear of Palestinians in Israel from moving around freely in Israel amongst Jews, fear of Jews in entering Arab Israeli villages, both are things that are part of the regular daily routine here in Israel, quite a different story while war rages above, around and within us.

This was a listening circle, not a "talking circle". We were there to let people express that which was in their hearts without interference from others…. the effect was dramatic! For nearly two hours, even amidst ambient noise from the streets, the children, people moving around us, we were there as one, listening, reflecting, the pain, the fears, the tears and the hope…the hope to soon get to better, more human more promising days.

It was a very emotional evening, a very memorable one and a very authentic one. I recall that one smart person once remarked that listening – true and total listening- is nothing less than a gesture of love. And love is something that we all need and seek more of.

Have Hope: Will Grow

Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.
Robert H. Schuller

It took the medical world many years to realize that the presence of hope in a given patient might just be one of the best controllable resources he has to overcome illness.  
It took the business world a long time to realize that an employee with hope has more motivation and will also "produce" more for the company. 
As for politicians….can't answer that one as I don't know many whom I really trust to cultivate and not manipulate human hope.

It was Viktor Frankl, the famed psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor who so vividly described in his writings that it was those concentration camp inmates who garnered, cultivated and maintained hope, that managed (to some degree) to survive. 
His approach of logotherapy was developed on the idea that hope and meaning are what drives human beings.

We tend to forget about hope as an essential life resource, often relegating it to a "nice to have" status- this should not be the case. 
We coaches know how important it is indeed to help our clients find the path of hope in their lives, plans and aspirations.
As the article below describes, those "with hope" fare far better than those without. 
In his last presentation to the American Psychological Association in 2005, the late C.S. Snyder, a foremost researcher in the field, laid out the results of studies conducted over a decade using the “Hope Scale,” a measuring tool and test he created. 
“Low hope” individuals, he found, have ambiguous goals and work toward them one at a time, whereas “high hope” individuals often pursue five or six clear goals simultaneously. 
Hopeful people had preferred routes to achievement and alternate pathways in case of obstacles. Low scorers didn’t. 

Let's keep an eye out for ourselves and for others to detect where hope is lacking, perhaps we can do just a little bit more to help both ourselves and others get up that "hope learning curve"- because learning to have hope is also a skill that can be taught.

And if it can be taught it can be done.

Growing Hope

Where are your limits?

When a man has put a limit on what he will do, he has put a limit on what he can do. 
 (Charles M. Schwab)

In these days of war, fear, casualties and uncertainty, I am wondering again about all these things that we relate to when we hear the word "limits"- because we see that time and again we are up against our limits and find that- time and again- that there is no "scientific barometer" to the word "limit". 
If it is the soldier in the battlefield, the decision-maker behind the lines, the parents worried sick about the soldiers down below, the small children terrified from the rockets and sirens… limits are something that we find, like it or not,  and that we can and do go beyond.

A larger, more powerful perspective on limits are those that we put on ourselves, those that stop our activity (or stop our inaction), for whatever reason… in other words, when one learns what keeps us back one also learns, inherently, what can make us go---this is at the heart of the coaching model, one of the keys to its success and the reason why coaching can be there for anybody who is willing, ready and able to say- "I will re-define my limits".

Remember: limits are what you do with what you have. As such it is always with potential to be under construction and growth! 

Worry? Ok, but don't sweat the small stuff

"A man is about as big as the things that make him angry."
WINSTON CHURCHILL

Worry. Worry, worry, worry….it's a natural, human reaction, it always has been and always will be even though it's added value is usually negligible if not downright negative at times.
 I don't think we can really fight the tendency, better off to control it. 

One way to control it is to remember that if you want to worry about something make sure it is the "big stuff", not the small stuff. All those ups and downs that get you riled up, arguing, deliberating and so on….is it really worth it?

Churchill said it better than most of us could. 
Let's keep the worries concentrated and focused on those big picture subjects, in this way I think we will find more efficiency, more effectiveness and probably a more balanced life.