Coaching, Focus and Happiness

You know in coaching we talk a lot about focus and how it is key to making things happen, succeeding and even improving our communication.  I don' think we talk enough about how focus also helps us to be happier....I find it hard to really enjoy things when I am spread out over 5 different things happening at the same time, not being able to have anything of depth. It is not that we don't need to multi-task but that multi-tasking should not be what is happening in our "off time"- that needs another dimension, one of focusing on depth...and I think that is rapidly disappearing in our younger generation- what do you think Here is a great article below.

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Are We Losing Our Focus?

--by Jill Suttie, syndicated from Greater Good, Dec 20, 2013

In a new book, Daniel Goleman argues that focus leads to greater happiness, better relationships, and increased productivity.

Daniel Goleman, renowned author and psychologist, writes that the ability to focus on one task to the exclusion of others is a lost art for many. Yet the skill of focus is connected to greater happiness, better relationships, and increased productivity. He writes that balancing inner, other, and out...

http://www.dailygood.org/story/605/are-we-losing-our-focus-jill-suttie/

Keeping End-of-year Hysteria in Check

A recent post on the Harvard Business Review blog talked about how to ask for direction from managers and others in dealing with work overload (see below). This reminded me of a kind of hysteria I sense in so many managers about "year end", seeing how so many are all postponing meetings, commitments, social gatherings and what not. It is as if the "year end" is "life's end", a sense of hysteria totally blown out of proportion. Of course it all comes from above, the manager on top and the one on top of him/her. And we all know that is comes from the fear of not succeeding, not meeting the numbers and so on.

With all due respect to those many people who need deadlines and guns at their heads to get things done, I think there is too much respect given here…we need to remember that important things are achieved by building structures, systems, relationships and discipline over time- let's keep this impulsive hysteria in check so that we don't find ourselves letting it lead us, rather than us lead it…

Rome was not built in a day and neither was the company you work for. Beware that end of the year hysteria may be getting the better of you and causing others to lose confidence in you as a person in a relationship. That, to my eyes, is much more important.

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(Harvard Business Review blog)

December 12, 2013

Ask for Direction with Work Overload

No matter how effective you are, you can’t fit 100 hours of work into 40 or even 60 hours a week. Rather than letting a vague sense of fear drive your decisions, take an objective approach. Gather your facts: a concise list of projects, an estimate of how long each task will take, and a visual to show the incongruence between the available time and the requested activities. This visual can be as simple as a printout of your weekly calendar or as complex as a full-scale project plan. Then ask for a strategic planning session with the people who are asking for the most work from you. Discuss which tasks might be delegated or simplified so that you can invest more time in the highest priorities. When done in this manner, asking for direction can lead to a joint effort to prioritize and work within the reality of your schedule.

Adapted from “Stop Work Overload By Setting These Boundaries” by Elizabeth Grace Saunders.

So... What's your answer to this question?

Upgrading the nuts and bolts of management

Everything has its details, its nuts and bolts, but if we get bogged down there we may never make it to where we need to be.
As a manger it is important to work powerfully from the "inside out" (inside= values + vision + passion), to never forget to get grounded and "down to earth" but be wary of getting stuck there when your job is to give guidance and direction to those who depend on you.
It is the art of self-management that one needs to learn and own, the language of listening and questioning well, focusing, prioritizing and executing.
There are countless areas in which a coach as a "partner" helps the manager improve his/her game, move it to the next level, get it to where he/she wants it to go- for example:

• How to better run meetings so that more is done with less, meaningful talk that leads to tangible and effective action.How to motivate employees by means of authentic behavior, communication ,support and teamwork.

• How to make goal-setting an art that works for you, one that guides and motivates employees.
  
•  How to present in such a way that people hear your story, react and remember your story! One of the key aspects of my management coaching is to show you how to let the power of story serve your success!

• How to upgrade your presence in your own organization, what it means to communicate effectively with your managers, colleagues and partners so you will get noticed and earn well-deserved credit.

• How to make plans that are short, focused and get things off the ground that gets anything off in running in a short process.

There are many others…

What I see in my practice time and again is that what makes coaching so effective is that the agenda, spark and drive comes from you, the client, and as such the partnership really moves people ahead on the path to success.
It is a superb- and a sorely missed!- combination of the personal and the professional. It works

Do you have a Vision?

It's about time, no?

No, not that fancy word that is plastered all over the walls in organizations, not that Big Buzz-word, but the Big Picture…what is it that you are really aiming for?
What is that ultimate picture in your mind?
What is that Big Result that you want from the thing at hand?

To me, everything needs to have a vision, even small projects and initiatives, that is where success begins and this is what we work on together- creating a "real" vision  which is very far away from that "Buzz-word vision. As the Japanese saying goes, "Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.”

Management Coaching- how does it work?

I believe that as a coach my role is to bring out the best in you (and trust me it is definitely there!), to bring out that potential that is just sitting there and waiting to be launched and applied. Together we partner in “getting it out there” and focus exactly where you need that potential to go, generating the thought processes, commitment, plans and accountability in the direction you need them to go. It is not only inspiring- it is practical, it is not only movement, but progress to a goal worth going after.

We may work on a wide gamut of issues and challenges, never forgetting where we are going and what we want to happen when we get there. I like to call it a “partnership for your success”.

Inside Outside

What a great quote: "While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us." -- Ben Franklin

Old Ben lived and died over 300 years ago, way, way before any New Age guru started sharing "mass spirituality" and yet, nothing could be more spiritual in my eyes than this great quote. Great leaders and figures share great wisdom in different forms, different "brands" perhaps but the wisdom endures. What a guy was this Ben Franklin…

I ask you and I ask myself: how much effort are we putting into controlling what happens inside us and not just outside us in our daily routines, jobs and managing others?

And at times a Mastermind member needs to take a break…

Recently I received an e mail from one of the CEOs in the veteran DunetzMastermind group which I founded and have been running, now in its eighth consecutive year…
Parting is always difficult, but here is a way one of the other veteran CEO members put it in a return e mail: "…It was a pleasure having you with us and I believe that it will also be so in the future. In any case, he who enters our group is there forever, he can't leave, he just doesn't show up to the meetings."

I think this says it all..
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Dear friends,

It has been more than 2 years that I have been with you, two very significant years from my point of view.
After serving for 17 years in one place of work- rising to the position of a CEO of one of the corporation's subsidiaries, I found myself at a junction in my career, one in which I needed to make important decisions regarding my future path.

This group, the environment, this extraordinary group of people influenced me greatly over the last two years.
I found in this group a very heterogeneous mix of individual managers and business owners, some of whom may have very different views about certain subjects, who together, helped by superb and sensitive facilitation and management, offer a feeling of stability to each other.
I found myself sharing dilemmas and issues about 3-4 times during my period here, each time I was totally overwhelmed: by the openness of members, about the degree in which I was eager to share and open things up, and of course it goes without saying- what people had to say about it all.
I must say that I heard more than my share of "pearls of wisdom" that I am using today on a day to day basis.

Life takes us all on journeys to all kinds of places, I find myself today needed a break in the action.

I would like to thank each and every one of you that I was privileged enough to be a member of your group.

A special thanks to Ronnie, the mentor, the facilitator, the one whose hand steers and conducts it all. At times, he needs to discipline us when we revert to "misbehaving children" but he is always there to successfully bring us back to focus.

We shall meet again soon, all the best ahead."

C.

Just how powerful is storytelling in business?

VERY powerful… this short article is EXACTLY what I mean when I say storytelling- in its many variations- is really powerful in a business setting!
The more I hear presentations and people trying to make them, the more I am convinced that they are so far from understanding that a picture tells a thousand words and "painting a picture in a person's mind" does things a thousand times better!

Check it out:

http://www.fastcompany.com/3020606/dialed/nail-your-next-pitch-in-60-seconds?partner=newsletter

NAIL YOUR NEXT PITCH IN 60 SECONDS

WHY DID APPLE LOSE ITS HUMANITIES?

THE cASE CONNECTING THE LIBERAL ARTS TO TECHNOLOGY-EVEN IF YOU'RE THE BIGGEST COMPANY IN THE WORLD.

http://www.fastcompany.com/3020609/leadership-now/why-did-apple-lose-its-humanities

When I read this article recently I immediately flashed back to 1989 when my good friend and housemate, Chris Bell, and I developed a concept at developing workshops on "global education" in schools and social settings.
It was our hope to get support to teach kids to understand the world more and more from a "we" perspective rather than a parochial, "I" and "you" are different so I need to "outdo you".
Our short-lived fundraising networking tour took us to a place I would never have thought of "Apple", to be more precise, "Apple University".
We spent an entire day with two fascinating Apple-people, just talking about our idea, our vision, our backgrounds and our hopes.

It was really strange getting so much time from a hi-tech company and even more strange to figure out what was "in it for them".

After reading this article I can re-connect… Apple used to believe that technology does not live alone but it is engrained in the life, mind and culture of human beings.
That was 25 years ago… according to this article, it is no longer… too bad, I thought it was really a fascinating journey to somewhere different, one close to my heart and vision…

What is always under our control?!

I got a great quote in my inbox today, a Chinese proverb:" "You cannot prevent the birds of sadness to fly above your head, but you can prevent them to nest in your hair."

What is it that we can always control,  and I mean ALWAYS?....
It is of course our reaction to things, we can't control anything else, there has never been a person on earth who can control the future.
Let's remember that the next time something gets dumped on our head that we did not ask for and never would...

To get out of "we are alone"…

Copernicus was a Renaissance mathematician and astronomer who formulated a  model of the universe which placed the Sun, rather than the Earth, at the center.
And yet how often do we find ourselves thinking that "we are the earth" and everything revolves around us.
Well it just ain't so…sometimes I think we need to be reminded that our "4 corners" is really rather limited- if we open up to the fact that there is a "sun" out there we may learn better, faster and more from others.

Of Course you are Creative, man!

Of Course you are Creative, man!

There is this thing that people think that they are not creative…not like "those guys".
I think that this is a bunch of nonsense! Of course there are and always will be people who excel at certain things more than others, creativity being one of them, but that does not mean that we are not all creative!
The biggest problem is the way we approach things- we don't know how to get the best out of ourselves, our employees, our situations, our opportunities.
 What we need is to learn to dialogue, question, approach and listen to things creatively….by the way, did you know that is exactly what happens in good coaching and masterminding?

Always on the the run…what about NOW?

It seems like we are always planning, figuring, anticipating and getting ready for something to take us a step to somewhere else.
Most of the time, however, we miss out on what is happening just NOW, seeing, hearing, relating to it----try looking at it a bit differently today and see what you find.
There may be some important insights just there in front of you- for your career, your job, your business and ….yourself!

Insights from yet another superb meeting of the "Managers Mastermind"

Just the other day I sent off a short e- mail to the participants of one of the wonderful "Managers Mastermind" groups that I facilitate and run. The e-mail contained some reflections of my own that I wished to share with the group…I am putting it up on my blog as I feel that it gives some insight as to what the actual value is in these unique groups:

From the e mail that I sent out:

1.    "I would like to point out that ,in my opinion, both of those members who shared their individual dilemmas did not come out with any "clear path" of what they need to do…this is not  the way of the mastermind in my book, this is not the value we must seek here! What DunetzMastermind does, when done professionally and correctly, is to empower the individual with new perspectives, vantage points, it challenges them and focuses them on questions from places they may never have looked! They get this from people who may know them exceedingly well as well as from people who just met them a few minutes back!

Uri and Osi (names have been changed for confidentiality) came to the group with their respective dilemmas or deliberations about making a decision, they had their own take on it…once the group started "to work" you can see that suddenly they had more options, they themselves decided  when and where they needed to put the foot on the gas pedal, suddenly they had feedback from 11 other managers at once (something so rare that most people don't get such a thing during their entire lives!). The minute they began sharing this out loud in the group (and I stress GROUP because many of us are accustomed to one on one discussions only with "confidantes"), that very minute something started to change for them, a certain clarification was in the air and it was really all theirs…

2.    Regarding the exercise we did in the group, in pairs and then with the full group, "One time I really screwed up…"- did you guys notice a certain pattern? Nearly all of us, in retrospect of course, had the feeling that "If I had only checked more, deeper, longer…or at all…with the customer, the employee, my boss, my partner, my supplier….things may have been different". There is a phrase that is found in the Jewish prayer of "Lecha Dodi" (as well as other places)- " The action always begins with the thought"…I am wondering as managers: how often does this really take place? How much thought, how deep and comprehensive are the thoughts that go into our actions? Are we really investing our time and energy in seeing the whole picture, different perspectives, asking others and gaining wisdom in making our decisions? Do we really have a hold on what is the price we pay for NOT doing this?

I think this is where DunetzMastermind is at its best for managerial discussion as a tool that does precisely that: brings perspectives that are often disregarded, passed over and not even given thought to…and these perspectives can make all the difference!

"Things that you see from "there" you can never see from "here".

Managers, listen up: learn relationships!

As one goes up the ladder of management technical expertise becomes a lot less important, knowing to communicate and build relationships A LOT more important.
This is a fact often overlooked by technical managers, about half of what we have in hi-tech, what a shame! We need you guys to be more aware of this earlier on, don't wait till your 45 and feeling like the "elder statesman", go out and build those relationships from the start. Don't know how to do it?
Drop a line, we will put you in the right frame of mind with the right tools real quick.
There is a huge price to be paid for those who don't get it- do you get it?

Success rate of 100% in job-hunt coaching with Ronnie Dunetz?!

This is something that I would never say and if I would hear it from somebody else, I wouldn't believe it- sounds "fishy" to me, arrogant, exaggerated marketing hype.
I don't say things like this, it is not professional in my book and it only creates illusion and lack of trust….however…on the other hand, if I look at the facts….

That is exactly what has happened with the last 6 people this year who came to me to help them find a job!
There is no doubt in my mind, as well as in the mind of the coachee, that our coaching process was critical in getting him/her to succeed.
I always caution coaching clients in saying that our coaching process is not a "contractor relationship", it can never be that way because there are so many parameters involved and the bottom line is that the coachee is the one out there doing (or not doing), moving things or not, changing paradigms or not, and most importantly, getting out of the comfort zone to make things happen!

Just the other day I got a phone call from a client, in his 40's, who who was coming off about 5 years of not really working as he was involved in his own start-ups that unfortunately did not come to fruition (you can imagine the stress on the him and family in such a situation). He came to coach with me so that he would have the benefit of a powerful, practical partnership to get him back into the work world.
I got the call, yesterday, "Ronnie, you aren't going to believe it, I got the offer I really wanted, a package that I could only have dreamed of, it's my life's dream!"

I couldn't stop from smiling for a long time afterwards, he went off to celebrate with this wife, I could only sit and recall the reasons why I had come to the coaching profession, what had driven me so ten years back and where I am today.
This was precisely it! A hundred percent success is something that does not exist in reality, but the many successes that I am part of, the tremendous changes that I can assist with, the transformation process in clients that manifest in the practical stuff (getting a job!) but also go much deeper…this is why I became a coach, this is where the thousands of hours of coaching have revolved around, this is why I am coach today and hope to be so for many others and many years ahead…

It all starts with a change in perspective….

Go out and see who are the people who give the most energy, inspiration and cause you to think wider, deeper and with more daring?
You know what I mean, the ones who see the sunshine and not just the storm that may be coming, or not…
I think most people can learn to lead a life of choice and energy, if they just understood the principle and apply it.
So as you see below- where are you? Are you busy with the "what might happen" or with the "I want this to  happen" ?

"I don't think my father could do this…"

Early on in the trek we kind of met up with a bunch of young and vibrant Israeli trekkers- a good bunch I must say- all in their early and mid-twenties, all students on vacation. 

As we were making our way up one of the hills one of the me said to me, "You know, I think it is great that you and your son are doing this…I doubt my father could do it.

"Here partner- a tall and muscular guy armed with two long walking sticks (we had none of this)- said, "I think my father could, he is in good shape."

And so I thought- "Hmmm… they see me and think of their father". 

But I? I had no feeling at all of a father, my self-image, my "default ecology" as this cool term has it, did not see a "Ronnie Dunetz father at 54" but was just seeing and feeling as I always have, just like them. 

THEY saw a 54 year old man with his 19 year old son but I just felt that I was one of them doing the same trek.

It is interesting how this thing works- what they see is quite different than what we feel, what we feel they really have no idea about.

My father is soon to be 91- I wonder if he feels he could do this?J….

You know you really can do this thing!

I was a very avid trekker way back then, in my early twenties, 1983, trekked 35 days up to the Everest Base Camp and back via Eastern Nepal- and then just two months later- 21 days trek across the remote Zanskar valley in the remote Ladakh region of the Indian Himalaya. 

Then it was part of an overall year's travel to the Far East (which was to develop into nearly 5 years of living in the East, something that I could never have imagined at that stage of the game). 

Over the years there were many other hikes and treks, but they were always either in Israel or short one day hikes- nothing that could ever relive the feeling, ambience, and challenge of the Himalyan experiences.  

Those treks- and the subsequent living in the East- changed my life tremendously, I took them with me long after I was no longer a frequent traveler on the world's trekking paths, as sad as this was for me…

And here I was back, if only for a few days, this time with my "next generation model", my son, Gil, and this time I am no longer 24 but 54…the backpack was not exactly the 10-15 kg. of those days but there was definitely more than half of that on my back…the snow-capped mountains, the ups and downs, the pressure on the feet and the legs- it all came back- and I loved it!

I must say that I too has some questions in my mind: could I really do it? After all, there is some asthma in my legs, my "figure" is no longer what it was, who really knows, who can really foretell…I will go for it, as I know deep inside that I can do it.

And I could. 

In fact, it was much easier than I had feared, the rougher moments were all dealt with by taking it a bit more slowly, letting the younger folks pass while I took my time on the uphill---let's say I was in the 60-75% range- for every 10 "youngsters" on the path walking with us 6 or 7 were behind me and the rest in back.

I was ok, doing well, enjoying and as well as the feeling that in at least this way I was ready, willing and able to do this thing.

You really can, you know, you really can do this stuff- don't let your negative mind get to you. It gets to so much stuff anyway- don't let it. 

You can do it and it is definitely worth it!

Father and son Reunion?....

No, not a reunion but a very special experience in which my son, who is about to go into a 3 year mandatory period of military service, and myself, detach from the "regular world" to do something we both really love: to trek hard and long in the midst of lovely mother nature at best---the snow-capped mountains, blossom-full valley and small, quaint and ever so simple village of the remote Svaneti region of Georgia.

Words don't do justice to the feeling that permeated me just about the entire time we were on the trek: how infrequent it is to get such an opportunity! 

Far away from the incessant world of text messaging, TV blabbing away, facebook addiction, here we were the two of us with each other 24 hours a day in a very foreign land with next to no linguistic connection.

And it was just superb…
I savored every moment- and some of the moments were a bit tough- because I know that soon enough Gil will be in another world, he will be surrounded by the harsh, callous and often de-humanizing framework that we call "the military", all signs show that he will be very much the combat soldier that I wasn't (wanted to be then but medical profile prevented---but  that was many years ago).
There ain't nothing like it, to walk and sing, schmooze, touch on deeper subjects, recall and tell past history, plan and fantasize about the future---disconnect and by doing so CONNECT- a "father and son reunion, kind of a mix that sprung from the two songs that Cat Stevens and Paul Simon once "sang to me" in a different era, in a different country, a boy growing up and trying to make sense of the confusing paths of adolescence- "Mother and Child Reunion" and "Father and Son".
Yes, it WAS a father and son reunion, only a motion away…

THOUGHTS FROM THE BACKPACK

It has now been exactly one week since I returned from my 16 day trip to the Caucuses- more specifically, Georgia, and even more specifically, the lovely mountain ranges in the Svaneti region, where my son, Gil, and I did a 4 day trek.
It is time to share some of the many short thoughts and insights that came to me during and after this time- after all when one walks hours on end, gets up early and goes to bed very early, has next to zero ability to communicate with the small villagers who speak Georgian and Russian only,(I speak neither), one's mind wanders and works on a very deep level. 
So here we go, let's see where this takes us….

The father-son mountain trek: what an experience!

Sometimes you've got to decide what it is you really want to do and just go for it…that is exactly what I did when I decided about one year ago that there was no way my son Gil was going to go off the army without a good trek in the mountains, just the two of us. Fortunately for me, Gil and I have the same love for trekking in far-away places, meeting simple people in developing countries, far off the beaten track, deep inside the cross-cultural setting where everything is new, strange, different and challenging. My wife and I raised Gil and his sister, Shani, to appreciate such things, in their short lifetime with us we had taken them for journeys deep into the villages of Guatemala, Bulgaria, Romania, Turkey, Philippines and now it was time for yet another experience- eco-community based tourism at its finest.

This time it was Gil and I alone…well not exactly alone as one out of 2 trekkers on the trail was a young Israeli, usually travelling in groups of 6 or 8 while we were the odd two, quite an attraction the "father and son team", or perhaps only I was the attraction- at 54 I was about 30 years older than the average trekker and there was not trekker in site anywhere near my age…but you know what? I did not feel the least bit out of place, years ago I trekked for two months in the Himalayas, I was pleased to find that I could go up the hills (and there were "going ups" of up to 1000 meters a day), and go down those hills in a way that was no faster or slower than the average.  Perhaps by age it was "Grandfather Ronnie" but in every other way it was just me as one of the guys, but most importantly, it was Gil and I, together on the trial, in the homes of the simple villagers, experiencing what it is to be together 24 hours a day amidst the most beautiful scenery one can imagine.

One needs to remember to grab these moments, seize the day, because they pass so quickly. The memories and the experience of these 4 days together are still so fresh but already do deeply embedded in my consciousness. Seize the day- we did it!

If you have an idea to do something great, just do it. Don't wait. Just do it.--Elaine Newkir

A Mind-Changing Experiment on Racism…

This is one of the most moving and mind-changing "experiments on racism" I have ever seen! The original film is over an hour---watch it 14 minutes through- it will shake up some of those marbles...

"Watch A Teacher Make Her 3rd-Grade Kids Hate Each Other…"

http://www.upworthy.com/watch-a-teacher-make-her-3rd-grade-kids-hate-each-other-for-the-best-reason-imaginable-2?c=ufb1

SMS and coming late

I like this post from HBR---I think people misuse messaging to do and come late to meetings too easily---it is often not well-understood and appreciated. Bad habit....

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Don’t Be Late for That Meeting

When you can text or email a colleague and let her know you’re running late, it’s easy to push back meetings.
This ability to quickly communicate is helpful when you’re unavoidably detained, but overusing it has costs.
One study found that staff lateness costs the UK economy £9 billion per year. There's something to be said for old-fashioned punctuality.
Sixty years ago, it was important to keep commitments because there was less opportunity to reschedule on the fly.
But even in this era of always-on technologies, being on time is important. It keeps you focused. It conveys to others that you’re reliable.
And it shows respect for the people who don’t have to waste their time waiting on you.

WHY THE MOST CREATIVE PEOPLE ARE GENERALISTS

In a world that over-emphasizes the need to specialize, it is heart-warming and relieving to hear that there are others out there who do not aspire to such.
The generalization lends the opportunity to take normal understanding and creatively put it in a situation where analogy can make connection across barriers.
LONG LIVE THE GENERALISTS!



http://www.fastcompany.com/3009649/leadership-now/steve-jobs-nate-silver-and-pablo-picasso-why-the-most-creative-people-are-gen

Want to Learn something better? Go and teach it!

WHY TEACHING MAKES YOU SMARTER

THE PROTEGE EFFECT IS A POWERFUL FORCE. SO IF YOU WANT TO LEARN BETTER AND FASTER--TRY TO TEACH THE SUBJECT.

This is a great principle- I have seen it many times- when you start to prepare to teach something to someone else you learn it better and you get "nachas" when they "get it".

http://www.fastcompany.com/3013734/dialed/why-teaching-makes-you-smarter?partner=newsletter

Surprise someone...

Surprise someone today.

When was the last time you surprised someone? Give it a try- see what happens.

From Story to Success

Now it is also Harvard Business Review that is saying what we are saying and doing- "From Story to Success"! The new wave for business presentation….

Management Tip of the Day
   
Harvard Business Review

JUNE 17, 2013
Use Personal Stories in Your Next Presentation

Messages matter more to people when they're relatable on a human level. Typically, only stories elicit that kind of response.
You can repeat stories you've heard, but audiences feel more affection for presenters who reveal their own challenges and vulnerability by giving personal anecdotes.
Choose ones that are appropriate for the occasion — they're relevant and have the right level of drama.
Think of stories in advance so that you have an arsenal you can draw on again and again.
Brainstorm past events, such as important times in your life — childhood, adolescence, young adulthood — what you learned, and who you learned it from — teachers, bosses, mentors.
Jot down any stories you remember and the emotions they might elicit.
Keep a catalogue of these stories to help you prepare future presentations

And What Else?

I love this- from one of my favorite people in the global coaching world, Michael Bungay Stanier:

"The most powerful coaching question in the world: "And what else?"

It not only teases out more from the person you're coaching (the first thing they have to say is never the only thing), but it stops you from jumping in and offering solutions or advice before it's welcome."

And I would add- keeping asking "and what else" and you will always find another way to move and develop in your life.
It is the basis of creativity, it is the basis of innovation, it is the basis of keeping yourself on your feet, active and alive!

Getting out of the box for my birthday

I wrote this in Hebrew but would also like to share it with my English- speaking friends so I will write it in English as well, why not…

It was my birthday on June 3 and I really was quite excited- yes, I know we are not supposed to get excited about such trivial things at age 54, but I know that still now whenever I see the words "supposed to" I find myself doing the exact opposite…so I took the day off to do things just a tad different, no big revolutions or projects, just a tad different… and I set off to do it with a person I have a very intimate relationship with- myself, as he ain't going away.

The day started with a short meditation in the garden, as I parted from my dear family members who were going about their normal routine just like any other day. I decided to take a yoga class in the neighborhood…only to find that by the time I got their (on foot mind you, not by car as I do every do to everything)- I had arrived at the wrong place. So I canned that idea, took my yoga mat and did yoga for an hour under the tree in the public park…enjoyed it so much that I thought, "why don't I do this more often?".

And then it was back home… but before anything it was time to thank my mother, yes my mother, because she is the one who brought me here, so I called to thank her for giving me my life…she laughed and liked the idea….after all what did I do to get here?Nothing, she did all the work to shlep me around for 9 months- and yes, I thanked my father for his cooperation as well, without him the project would not have succeeded, but let's face it, mom is the main character not dad…

Time for a shower…no, this time it's going to be a bath and we will turn on that Jacuzzi button that we paid for with the house, got all excited about it back then, something that we hardly ever use, let's get our money's worth, so I bubbled myself while reading a article, quite cool actually….

A big salad and then, finally, got to see some of those youtube videos that I have been dying to see of the Dalai Lama and some other Buddhist teachers- Jack Kornfeld, Tara Brach, Joseph Goldstein- finally, I could just sit and watch, nibble and soak it in…nice…

And today, I was finally going to do something I almost never do- see a film off the VOD…I zapped around and decided to go for The Dead Poets Society, a Robbin Williams' film about an idealistic English teacher who goes back to his prep school and tries to get the boys all excited about poetry and thinking for themselves….I saw it years ago….and guess what…by chance, fate or pure coincidence, the plot takes place in 1959….wouldn't you know it…that's my birth year…wow…and by the end of the film I was there with all these tears and emotions- not unusual for me, but something about this Americanized tear-jerker that really hit home…or is it because of my birthday?...After a short afternoon snooze- at our age we can do it, no, 17 hours straight from morning till night is a bit much I think, nothing like those 10 minutes of snoring- it was over for the finale'- a drive up to a small beach north of here to meet 2 great friends, with bottle of wine and a bag full of sushi…the beach was nearly empty, great sun, sky, air, waves, sand…and friendship…what more can one ask for than a beautiful sunset to end a beautiful day…and you know what? If we take away the frills of wine and sushi, this whole day was as simple as it gets, no need to spend money, make big plans, go out and party it up, because actually it was a very simple day, it is so comforting to know that what really makes it tick for me is the simplicity of it all, the small pleasures of life that usually go unnoticed in daily life.

I like this idea, will do it again…you know what, who needs to wait another year for this?...

Harvard Business Review Blog- "Take a Weekly Technology Break"

Do you know what they call this?
It has been around for a few thousand years….they call it "Sabbath", in Hebrew it is "Shabbat", and even if you are an atheist, as far as can be from anything to do with God, religion or whatever….
I challenge us all to take up this offer!
We need it- technology has taken over and we need to put it in its place- to help our lives and not rule them.

Long live the Sabbath!!

MAY 28, 2013

Take a Weekly Technology Break

There are serious personal benefits of taking time away from the constant hum of technology.
So why wait for your next vacation?
Take a device hiatus every week.
On Friday night, turn off everything with a screen — your computer, tablet, and phone.
Put them in a drawer to keep them out of sight.
And don't turn them on again until Saturday night.
Knowing you won't be able to connect for 24 hours can be unnerving, so prepare in advance.
Print out your schedule, along with any maps or phone numbers you need.
Let people know that they won't be able to text, tweet, email, use Facebook, or web chat during that time.
Then enjoy — be present and focused on whatever you do — spend time with your kids, go for a hike, read a book.
You'll likely find the day is longer and when you power back on, you'll feel recharged.

Your Story and your Interview

People who go for interviews seem to often overlook a most important hidden point in ever interview: the listener is searching for "the story". 

THE story is, of course, a compilation of many smaller stories, and each smaller story describes an impression, a thought and a hook in the eyes and ears of the listener. 

Make sure that story is what you want to tell- your career is dependent upon it!

See Harvard Business Review Blog post:

http://hbr.org/tip/2013/04/30/prepare-stories-for-your-job-interview

Four Traits of Great Employees

The American Management Association recently cites 4 skills that research have found to be most important in great employees: The association’s survey of about 800 managers and executives found that senior leaders value what the group calls the “Four Cs”: Critical thinking, communication, collaboration and creativity. 
Those are also the kinds of skills that are critical for startups, where your survival can depend on how quickly you can adapt and innovate.

And how best to achieve these skills? Coaching and mentoring were seen as the best approaches.
Thank-you American Management Association, for saying what we coaches have been saying and doing for years! See article:

http://business.time.com/2013/04/09/four-traits-of-great-employees/?iid=obinsite

Is this the Best you can do? (from Seth Godin)

Is this the best you can do?

If the answer to this is "yes," and you think you're done, you might be settling too soon.

The right question is, "Is this the best your team can do?" And if you need a better team, it's never been easier to get one. Especially if you're a soloist, a freelancer or a small company--if your upside is limited by the people you're working with, get new people.

Any time you do work yourself, you've chosen not to use the services of someone who's probably better at it than you are. There might be really good reasons for that choice, but inertia isn't one of them.

When was the Last Time you Stretched your Mind?

A mind once stretched by a new idea
never regains its original dimensions.
—Oliver Wendell Holmes

One of the wonderful things that happen both in coaching and mastermind groups is that people really get stretched… what does that mean exactly?
To me it means taking someone out of their comfort zone, out of the area in which they have been there and done that, into a place where they have not yet been.
And why is that important?
Because that is where the action is, that is where the growth will be, in many cases, that is where the answers and direction will come from.

Let's remember to ask ourselves this question from time to time:
when was the last time I stretched my mind with a new and exciting idea?

It's the Day to Day Stuff that Makes the Change

Nice post for all of those out there who want to make a change....bit finding it difficult to do- coaching is great for this transition!

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APRIL 10, 2013
Use Personal Rituals to Make Changes Stick

How many times have you promised to exercise more, or start meditating, or spend less time at the office?
 To make changes that last, create rituals — highly specific behaviors that you do at the same time every day (or on specific days you select).
Willpower is a limited resource, so use less of it by making challenging activities automatic. By setting a time for your routine, you don't have to spend energy thinking about when to get it done.
If you find yourself faltering, reduce the challenge but stay the course.
Run three days a week instead of four.
Repetition, even in very small doses, builds capacity.
Any positive change you can make will be hugely satisfying — and a source of inspiration to make the next one.

( From "How to Make a Change that Lasts" by Tony Schwartz.)

Is Coaching about Doing?

Of course, absolutely, this is the dividing line, the thing that separates it out, makes it unique, brings the greatest value.
However, it does not start there and is not empowered by doing… it starts within, the connecting up to the inner strength, inner vision, inner values which are different for everyone of us.

As for the future, your task is not to foresee it, but to enable it.
~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I Learn Therefore I Am!

What keeps us young and vibrant? Consistently learning new stuff!

One of the things I have noticed is that as people get older they also tend to forget that what makes us vibrant is the "willingness and thirst to learn"!
I think one can be young at any age if one is aware of how learning happens, that it is the most natural thing in the world, and something that we need to keep alive… as what seems to happen is that with age we oftentimes become less open to the very thing that keeps us vibrant- learning!

Learning new things can be overwhelming- here are three tips from the Harvard Business Review online on "self-improvement" that I think are right on the spot:

Self-improvement is necessary to getting ahead.
But whether you want to be better at public speaking, using social media, or analyzing data, how do you start?
Here are three general rules to follow:

•     Start small.
  Learning new skills can feel overwhelming. Focus on one and break it down into manageable goals. For example, if you're trying to become more assertive, push yourself to talk in the first five minutes of a meeting.

•     Reflect along the way.
  Think about what you're learning, otherwise the new skill won't stick. Talk about your progress with others to get valuable feedback, keep you accountable, and cement the change.

•     Teach it to others.
  One of the quickest ways to learn something new, and to practice it, is to show others how to do it. Share what you learn with your team, your manager, or your co-workers.

People Grow. Labels Destroy

I think one of our greatest challenges is to go through life learning, growing, interacting without be imprisoned by a "label"- a label is not a person.
People grow, labels destroy.

See this clip:

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10150702315685540&set=vb.182480931778592&type=2&theater

What Good Does a Little Love Do?

Not very clear- ay? Well, I think this video clip says it great- have a look.
 It is not the mere act that is involved but the message, emotion and action that may be triggered again by another person that sets it all in motion- have a look!

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=120823228090214&set=vb.434846803234846&type=2&theater

Angry people don't get very far

You know how they always taught us that it often pays to count to 10 before striking back, sleep on it before answering, take a walk and then come back to what you wanted to do….well, to me it is very connected to the idea that when you are angry you really aren't "you" at all, but a temporary burst of anger.
Thus, when you react or provoke or strike back, you can never be sure if it is the anger that is talking from within you or you yourself. There is that step in between that we so often forget.

The thing we call "peace" is not a "head thing" but first and foremost a "heart thing".
You have to begin there and work up- angry people don't get very far with these kinds of things.

Storytelling Tips for Businessmen and Managers

I have not doubts about this: storytelling in the business setting is something that will continue to grow and flourish.
I use it in my own work and lectures, teach it as essential narrative tools for winning presentations and collaborate with Sharon Aviv in our work in a leading global hi-tech company, in the program called, "From Story to Success".
Storytelling is practical, effective and inspirational. Here are 5 tips from Ira Koretsky, worth paying attention to:

1.  People are at the heart of every great story.

2.  Stories are how people remember you.

3.  Use humor if you want to.

4.  Write in your authentic voice.

5.  Write and speak conversationally.

6.  Write emails as if they will be read on a smart phone.

7.  Tell more personal stories with relevant business messages.

Next time you want to say something important to someone, bear in mind what is above. You are likely to find that the story can tell it best.

Want to Win? First know what you want to happen!

There is one quality which one must possess to win, and that is definiteness of purpose, the knowledge of what one wants, and a burning desire to possess it.
(Napolean Hill)

In this world of over-information, over-methodology and over criticism, there is one thing that to me is the absolute basis of all success:
knowing what you want! Successful people are those who can focus on their target and then build their plan and passion to get there.
It all starts with the first step and that is…

Knowing what you want to happen!

Three Elements of Great Communication, According to Aristotle

In our day and age we have an automatic bias to anything that is "new", new is considered better, upgraded, faster, more effective. Personally, I think this is a dangerous stereotype, and as a coach who deals so often in how people communicate I find that history and the past has much more to give us.

Take Aristotle, for example, who lived nearly 2500 years ago. This article points to the three points that Aristotle cited as essential for effective communication:

1.       Ethos- which is essentially your credibility, do people believe what you say?

2.       Pathos- is what you say having an emotional impact on the listener?

3.       Logos- does it makes sense to the listener, is there an analytical and logical connection to what you are saying?

Three points, over two thousand years and nothing has changed. Great communication is not spin but basic fundamentals based on human existence.

Maybe we can stop upgrading and look the other way for strength and improvement?

Happiness is about Respect not riches

(Source:  The Greater Good Science Center- the center, located at the University of California, Berkeley, studies the psychology, sociology, and neuroscience of well-being, and teaches skills that foster a thriving, resilient, and compassionate society.)

I have found the research reports coming from this center to be most thought-provoking, even a bit provocative.
I often wonder why the wealthy amongst us are not more compassionate than the poor- there are compassionate people on both ends but there is not a big difference between them it seems. Have a look below.

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Happiness is about Respect, Not Riches

And there was other discouraging news for the wealthy this year.
Research has long suggested that money doesn’t buy happiness; a study published in Psychological Science in July confirms that finding and goes a step further, changing the stakes of what we think of as high status: It turns out that if we’re looking to money, we’re looking in the wrong place.

Instead, the study found that happiness is more strongly associated with the level of respect and admiration we receive from peers.
The study’s researchers, led by UC Berkeley’s Cameron Anderson (and again including Keltner), refer to this level of respect and admiration as our “sociometric status,” as opposed to socioeconomic status.

In one experiment, college students high in sociometric status in their group—their sorority, for example, or their ROTC group—were happier than their peers, whereas socioeconomic status didn’t predict happiness.
Similarly, a broader, nationwide survey, which boasted people from a variety of backgrounds, income, and education levels, found that those who felt accepted, liked, included, and welcomed in their local hierarchy were happier than those who were simply wealthier.

“You don’t have to be rich to be happy,” Anderson told Greater Good, “but instead be a valuable contributing member to your groups.”

There is something very intuitive about this finding, something we don't really need scientific research for in order to understand profoundly: that people, more than anything else, need to feel appreciated, loved and connected in order to be happy.

High Status Brings Low Ethics?

(Source:  The Greater Good Science Center- the center, located at the University of California, Berkeley, studies the psychology, sociology, and neuroscience of well-being, and teaches skills that foster a thriving, resilient, and compassionate society.)

I have found the research reports coming from this center to be most thought-provoking, even a bit provocative.
I often wonder why the wealthy amongst us are not more compassionate than the poor- there are compassionate people on both ends but there is not a big difference between them it seems. Have a look below.

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"They may have more money, but it seems that the upper class are poorer in morality.
In a series of seven studies, published in March in PNAS, researchers found that upper-class people are more likely than the lower class to break all kinds of rules—to cut off cars and pedestrians while driving, to help themselves to candy they know is meant for children, to report an impossible score in a game of chance to win cash they don’t rightfully deserve.

While the results surprised some, they didn’t come out of nowhere: They were the latest, if perhaps the most damning, in a series of studies in which researchers, including Greater Good Science Center Faculty Director Dacher Keltner, have looked at the effects of status on morality and kind, helpful (or “pro-social”) behavior.

Previously, as we’ve reported, they’ve found that upper class people are less generous, less compassionate, and less empathic.
(Many of these findings were summarized in a Greater Good article by Editor-in-Chief Jason Marsh, “Why Inequality is Bad for the One Percent,” published in September.)
Considered together, this line of research suggests not that the rich are inherently more unethical but that experiencing high status makes people more focused on themselves and feel less connected to others—an important lesson in this age of growing inequality.

“The rich aren’t bad people, they just live in insular worlds,” study co-author Paul Piff told Greater Good earlier this year.
“But if you’re able to reduce the extremes that exist between the haves and the have-nots, you’re going to go a long way toward closing the compassion and empathy gap.”

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If so, it is no wonder then, that many of the "feel good seminars" find strong support among the wealthy. Interesting….

Wake Up, Man! Life is Way Too Short!

It was a first for me on January 16, 2013. Even after 53 years in this world, and thousands of hours spent talking, facilitating, coaching, presenting, teaching, performing in front of thousands of people across the globe, I had never, never done this before!
Never had I been in a position where I had to talk about someone who had just died, deliver a eulogy, encourage others to speak about their feelings, plan and facilitate a memorial-type of event. 
I was more than a bit wary of how it was going to all come out. In the end, it turned out to be a meeting that I am sure I will never forget and, most likely, the same can be said for most of the other 14 participants on that evening.

Meir Navon, a long-time member of our Manager-Business Owners' Mastermind group, died last week, 3 days short of his 60th birthday.

He had battled with acute leukemia, overcame the disease with a bone marrow transplant from his brother, which saved his life but also weakened his lungs.
In the end, an ordinary virus got a hold Meir, who with a weakened immune system could not really match the viciousness of the virus, which in the end took his life.
Exactly one week after his death, I decided to dedicate our monthly mastermind meeting to Meir, allowing for each member of the group who wanted to share memories, anecdotes, impressions and feelings to do so without interruption.
I generally run my mastermind groups with a very lively and quick facilitation pace- participants are asked, instructed and guided by me to speak briefly, to focus, to contribute positively and to move on- as such I often need to cut people a bit short, but such is the methodology and it works wonderfully.
However, on this evening we moved into an opposite mode- slow, no interruptions, reflective, not a dialogue but a meeting of the hearts where every heart spoke for itself.

I can say so much about what went on during this evening and what transpired within me, but I won't right now.
I do want to share one major thought, and that alone: that we human beings often forget the fact that we are ALL here on borrowed time, that life is way too short to keep dealing with all the little stuff that preoccupies, divides, stifles and limits our ability to really wake up and live our lives to the fullest! What happened to Meir can and does happen to nearly all of us at one stage or another- we lose control of our lives and start to battle with the "end of our lives".
Let's wake up to that, guys, let's not forget this, ever, ever, ever…
I can see Meir now, smiling at us from above, with a quick humorous and straight comment coming right at me….