As psychologist William James once said, "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated."
I wonder, how much and how often are we really appreciating ...people, opportunities, health, LIFE??....
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
How do you focus a person who does not want to be focused?
As a coach I find that oftentimes I am called on to "focus him/her".
And when I get there I think that what I need to do is quite different… help this creative individual see what happens to his great ideas when they seem to change every day or so?
Rather than try and focus this individual, the better strategy is in letting him run a bit in "moving the goal posts" just enough to feel that things do not seem to be moving ahead.
It is frustrating, I can guarantee you, but the opposite strategy- forcing focus- just puts you in a position where many others have been before: telling a wildly creative person that he or she must conform, do like the others, do their "homework" and so on…that is not going to help much, is it?
Any thoughts or comments on such a dilemma?
And when I get there I think that what I need to do is quite different… help this creative individual see what happens to his great ideas when they seem to change every day or so?
Rather than try and focus this individual, the better strategy is in letting him run a bit in "moving the goal posts" just enough to feel that things do not seem to be moving ahead.
It is frustrating, I can guarantee you, but the opposite strategy- forcing focus- just puts you in a position where many others have been before: telling a wildly creative person that he or she must conform, do like the others, do their "homework" and so on…that is not going to help much, is it?
Any thoughts or comments on such a dilemma?
Monday, February 3, 2014
Inspiration is great but Habits are a definite MUST!
I love to be inspired, it is something that gets me moving, believing, brings energy to my life, to my mind, to my work, to my business….to others!
I think I would have a hard time doing something for a long time if it were not in some way or another inspiring.
I am fortunate in that way, the profession I have trained into and turned to nearly 11 years ago, business and life coaching, is something that moves and inspires me immensely.
It assists me in getting things done, creating new things and most of all….helping my clients get themselves moving successfully.
Yet, if I would put "inspiration" against "habit" as a major key to success, I think I would vote for the latter.
It is because habit makes up the bits and bytes of what one does, if one develops good habits things change and reality is created.
And the contrary is also so, bad habits can kill you, can prevent any significant change in your life.
Identifying and changing those habits is at the core in what coaching is made up of, even beyond the tremendous inspiration.
That is why a Tony Robbins weekend may be great but it will not get you there in the real world, for that you will do much better with a professional personal coach- in business or otherwise.
Change does not start with habit, it starts with thought, which starts with awareness.
Check in with one of the worlds' most profound philosophers of the East, Lao-Tse, read the following words carefully as they can change your life.
So go for inspiration, absolutely but don't forget that in the end you will need those habits to change for real:
“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit.
Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”
Lao-Tzu (Chinese philosopher)
I think I would have a hard time doing something for a long time if it were not in some way or another inspiring.
I am fortunate in that way, the profession I have trained into and turned to nearly 11 years ago, business and life coaching, is something that moves and inspires me immensely.
It assists me in getting things done, creating new things and most of all….helping my clients get themselves moving successfully.
Yet, if I would put "inspiration" against "habit" as a major key to success, I think I would vote for the latter.
It is because habit makes up the bits and bytes of what one does, if one develops good habits things change and reality is created.
And the contrary is also so, bad habits can kill you, can prevent any significant change in your life.
Identifying and changing those habits is at the core in what coaching is made up of, even beyond the tremendous inspiration.
That is why a Tony Robbins weekend may be great but it will not get you there in the real world, for that you will do much better with a professional personal coach- in business or otherwise.
Change does not start with habit, it starts with thought, which starts with awareness.
Check in with one of the worlds' most profound philosophers of the East, Lao-Tse, read the following words carefully as they can change your life.
So go for inspiration, absolutely but don't forget that in the end you will need those habits to change for real:
“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit.
Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”
Lao-Tzu (Chinese philosopher)
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Watch out for Focus at all costs!
It may seem odd that as a coach I am going to advocate something that is "anti-focus" since a large part of what I do is actually that- helping clients focus on what is most important and of greatest value. But there is another side to this all and it is that of "over-focus", where the manager or business owner find themselves obsessively guiding and pontificating about "focus, focus, focus" at the expense of some other no less important points screaming for attention and "quality time"…Today's world which expects immediate ROI in the midst of attention deficit, hyper-connectedness and information overflow is endanger of "death by over-focus" as well…
Daniel Goleman, PhD, a leading author, psychologist and promoter of the term "emotional intelligence", has put out another book called "Focus- the hidden driver of excellence", in which he proposes that the leader today needs to focus on a "triple focus": inner (self), outer (system) and other (people). Goleman: "Every organization needs people with a keen focus on goals that matter, the talent to continually learn how to do even better, and the ability to tune out distractions. Innovation, productivity, and growth depend on such high-performers.
But only to a point. Ambitious revenue targets or growth goals are not the only gauge of an organization’s health—and if they are achieved at a cost to other basics, the long-term downsides, like losing star employees, can outweigh short-term successes as those costs lead to later failures.
When we’re fixated on a goal, whatever is relevant to that point of focus gets priority. Focus is not just selecting the right thing but also saying no to the wrong ones; focus goes too far when it says no to the right things, too. Single-pointed fixation on a goal morphs into overachievement when the category of “distractions” expands to include other people’s valid concerns, their smart ideas, and their crucial information. Not to mention their morale, loyalty, and motivation."
I have seen what Goleman is concerned about in my own work with managers and leaders and I think it all revolves around a lack of "human empathy" that abounds in our organizations. When leaders are hyper-focused on results- or "deliverables"- they often forget that they are there to lead people not just things. At times I have seen organizational cultures who praise the "goals, deliverables and profit" so much that they end up filtering out people who come up with creative ideas, alienating individuals whose best value is not always produced by "hyper-focus", or they may end up cheating and cutting corners and time and again seem to "forget promises".
If you are a manager or a leader please remember that you are there not ONLY to get results but no less to lead people over the long haul, to create an organization that is a place worthy of people spending a better part of their daily life, a place which achieves goals while acting ethically, respecting others and the environment.
We are in the year 2014--- wake up guys, there are people out there, how well have you seen and heard them?
Daniel Goleman, PhD, a leading author, psychologist and promoter of the term "emotional intelligence", has put out another book called "Focus- the hidden driver of excellence", in which he proposes that the leader today needs to focus on a "triple focus": inner (self), outer (system) and other (people). Goleman: "Every organization needs people with a keen focus on goals that matter, the talent to continually learn how to do even better, and the ability to tune out distractions. Innovation, productivity, and growth depend on such high-performers.
But only to a point. Ambitious revenue targets or growth goals are not the only gauge of an organization’s health—and if they are achieved at a cost to other basics, the long-term downsides, like losing star employees, can outweigh short-term successes as those costs lead to later failures.
When we’re fixated on a goal, whatever is relevant to that point of focus gets priority. Focus is not just selecting the right thing but also saying no to the wrong ones; focus goes too far when it says no to the right things, too. Single-pointed fixation on a goal morphs into overachievement when the category of “distractions” expands to include other people’s valid concerns, their smart ideas, and their crucial information. Not to mention their morale, loyalty, and motivation."
I have seen what Goleman is concerned about in my own work with managers and leaders and I think it all revolves around a lack of "human empathy" that abounds in our organizations. When leaders are hyper-focused on results- or "deliverables"- they often forget that they are there to lead people not just things. At times I have seen organizational cultures who praise the "goals, deliverables and profit" so much that they end up filtering out people who come up with creative ideas, alienating individuals whose best value is not always produced by "hyper-focus", or they may end up cheating and cutting corners and time and again seem to "forget promises".
If you are a manager or a leader please remember that you are there not ONLY to get results but no less to lead people over the long haul, to create an organization that is a place worthy of people spending a better part of their daily life, a place which achieves goals while acting ethically, respecting others and the environment.
We are in the year 2014--- wake up guys, there are people out there, how well have you seen and heard them?
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Managers and organizations
I have noticed something now for many years regarding managers and organizations.
The going paradigm is that people who work together are not open to sharing ideas, dilemmas and feelings in any big way because they need to "work" and are fearful that others might take advantage of "their weakness".
You know what I have noticed and experienced?
It's a myth!
It's a myth that people have because they are being led by their FEAR- fear of losing control, fear of not knowing, fear of being criticized and so on… do you think FEAR is a good leader?
I think it is a lousy one!
It is good to have some fear around so you can assess risks and actions but that is a LONG way from what you see so frequently in organizations… and that is precisely why I very much believe in bringing a facilitated mastermind to organizations, management teams, so to facilitate business-driven support instead of fear-driven politics.
In my mind, "people who learn to share together learn to succeed together"-it is at the core of the mastermind approach- idealistic you might say?
Perhaps, but that is where innovation comes from anyway.
I know I can prove that managers who learn to talk to each other out of respect, listen to each other without agendas, question each other without fear---these managers will bring better and bigger business to their organizations.
Quite passionate on this, actually … what do you think?
Here is a cool video clip from TED, you may have seen it as thousands have already…
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
The going paradigm is that people who work together are not open to sharing ideas, dilemmas and feelings in any big way because they need to "work" and are fearful that others might take advantage of "their weakness".
You know what I have noticed and experienced?
It's a myth!
It's a myth that people have because they are being led by their FEAR- fear of losing control, fear of not knowing, fear of being criticized and so on… do you think FEAR is a good leader?
I think it is a lousy one!
It is good to have some fear around so you can assess risks and actions but that is a LONG way from what you see so frequently in organizations… and that is precisely why I very much believe in bringing a facilitated mastermind to organizations, management teams, so to facilitate business-driven support instead of fear-driven politics.
In my mind, "people who learn to share together learn to succeed together"-it is at the core of the mastermind approach- idealistic you might say?
Perhaps, but that is where innovation comes from anyway.
I know I can prove that managers who learn to talk to each other out of respect, listen to each other without agendas, question each other without fear---these managers will bring better and bigger business to their organizations.
Quite passionate on this, actually … what do you think?
Here is a cool video clip from TED, you may have seen it as thousands have already…
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
Monday, January 27, 2014
Differences are here to stay- great!
How
often do are we REALLY aware of differences among people, things,
goals,etc.? I think it is a constant challenge to do so as so much of
our education is focused on "flattening out", "patterning", copy and
past... the mastermind approach that I follow and facilitate is one that
LEVERAGES differences in order to gain insights, wisdom and support...
Here
is a post from a super-blogger whom you probably know- Seth Godin- have
a look- what do you think? I like the way he has put this post together...
------------------------------
Different people differently
Don't
teach your students as if they are a monolithic population of learners.
They learn differently, they have different goals, different skills,
different backgrounds.
Don't
sell to your customers as if they are a fungible commodity, a walking
ATM waiting for you to punch. Six of one are not like half a dozen of
the other. They tell themselves different stories, have different needs
and demand something different from you.
Different
voters, different donors, different employees--we have the choice to
treat them as individuals. Not only do they need different things, but
they offer differing amounts of value to you and to your project. The
moment your policy interferes with their uniqueness, the policy has cost
you something.
We
used to have no choice. There was only one set of data for the student
body, one way to put things on the shelf of the local market, one
opportunity to talk to the entire audience...
One
of the biggest unfilled promises of the digital age is the opportunity
to go beyond demographics and census data. Personalization wasn't
supposed to be a cleverly veiled way to chase prospects around the web,
showing them the same spammy ad for the same lame stuff as everyone else
sees. No, it is a chance to differentiate at a human scale, to use
behavior as the most important clue about what people want and more
important, what they need.
It's
a no-brainer to treat the quarterback of the football team differently
from the head of the chess club. We treat our bank's biggest investor
with more care than someone who merely wants to trade in a bag of
pennies. Instead of reserving this special treatment for a few outliers,
though, we ought to consider what happens if we offer it to all of
those we value.
The
long tail of everything means that there's something for everyone--a
blog to read, a charity to donate to, a skill to learn. When you send
everyone the same email, demand everyone learn from the same lesson plan
or try to sell everyone the same service, you've missed it.
A
very long time ago, shoe salespeople realized that shoes that don't fit
are difficult to sell, regardless of what you've got in stock. Today,
the people you serve are coming to realize that like their shoe size,
their needs are different, regardless of what your urgent agenda might
be.
Posted by Seth Godin on January 27, 2014
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Who says you can't find work after the age of 45?
We have all been hearing this mantra for quite a while here in Israel and I assume that it is quite the same wherever you go. Is it true? Well, yes, I think it is…to a great extent, BUT, definitely, definitely not impossible!
I am proud to share my own experience as a coach- about 80% of those who are out of a job and come to work with me as a coach- at least over the last 2 years- have found themselves in a new income-earning situation.
That is a nice statistic, I am proud of it, but I also know that to a great degree it is always a trial and error process and luck does have something to do with it…but not everything.
I have found that it is all about VALUE- showing it, believing in it, knowing how to live it.
I have found that what depresses so many "over 45 and in the job market" is suddenly finding themselves without a "good story", a story about their value, a "story" that sticks.
And it is always there somewhere, it is a matter of getting into that mindset that says "I have skills and experience that can help you" rather than "I am an electrical engineer with 20 years experience". And, of course, this is the opposite of the way we have been trained to talk.
A recent client of mine ,45, was dealt a huge blow when he was dismissed from work after 5 years in a hi-tech company- 6 months at home totally blew his mind, blew his confidence and obviously impacted how he interacted.
In the end he found work quite quickly- yes, he had to "reinvent" how he spoke about himself and experience, but after doing that it went quite well- after less than two months of coaching he was offered a great job and he is already there!
But it was not easy mainly because his mindset was not there. Others were less fortunate.
I would sum up and say that while it is not terribly attractive to try and sell yourself into a position when you are over 45, the first person you have to sell yourself to is….YOU- that is the key but also the hardest client. You definitely, definitely need to build that story that will value yourself and show your value.
What has your experience been with the over-45 crowd in hi-tech companies?
I am proud to share my own experience as a coach- about 80% of those who are out of a job and come to work with me as a coach- at least over the last 2 years- have found themselves in a new income-earning situation.
That is a nice statistic, I am proud of it, but I also know that to a great degree it is always a trial and error process and luck does have something to do with it…but not everything.
I have found that it is all about VALUE- showing it, believing in it, knowing how to live it.
I have found that what depresses so many "over 45 and in the job market" is suddenly finding themselves without a "good story", a story about their value, a "story" that sticks.
And it is always there somewhere, it is a matter of getting into that mindset that says "I have skills and experience that can help you" rather than "I am an electrical engineer with 20 years experience". And, of course, this is the opposite of the way we have been trained to talk.
A recent client of mine ,45, was dealt a huge blow when he was dismissed from work after 5 years in a hi-tech company- 6 months at home totally blew his mind, blew his confidence and obviously impacted how he interacted.
In the end he found work quite quickly- yes, he had to "reinvent" how he spoke about himself and experience, but after doing that it went quite well- after less than two months of coaching he was offered a great job and he is already there!
But it was not easy mainly because his mindset was not there. Others were less fortunate.
I would sum up and say that while it is not terribly attractive to try and sell yourself into a position when you are over 45, the first person you have to sell yourself to is….YOU- that is the key but also the hardest client. You definitely, definitely need to build that story that will value yourself and show your value.
What has your experience been with the over-45 crowd in hi-tech companies?
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